I have no interest in sex right now. It's happened like twice in the past two months, and to a lesser degree it's been an overall feeling that's increased over the past year or so.
That doesn't stop me from having 7-10+ orgasms a day, though.
I don't even really want to. I'm not feeling the slightest bit horny, but I find myself compelled to whack off. I'm in the shower trying to get done, and I find myself trying to have an orgasm but wishing I could stop and just get on with my life. I'm in there for an hour, jerking away, trying to think of anything that gets me even remotely horny, just so I can come and get it over with.
It's not that I have any desire to get off, like when you're horny and need release. It's more like a heroin addict who feels like shit and needs another hit to just feel normal.
And another parallel about smack addicts is, after a while, the heroin doesn't even get them feeling that great. It just relieves the pain and makes them feel ok. When I was in jail, a guy once remarked to another guy, something about how you know you got a problem when you need X amount of heroin "just to get right." For me it's almost the same way. Most of the time my orgasms don't even feel that great. Actually it's not a valid comparison: I feel ok without them, but if the idea of getting off crosses my mind, I'm screwed. I have no impulse control.
When I was stuck in the shower for this morning's hour, I decided I needed to stop and not have any orgasms for like a month or more, and get really horny, just like the old days. I need to reset my internal pleasure meter and my seratonin reuptake inhibitor thingies and all that, in my brain. Assuming it's possible. I've read that if you overstimulate those parts of your brain, it permanently changes them.
Like with speed, for example. I'm sure that's what's happened to me. I don't feel much pleasure in life and I have stimulated my pleasure center so much, the only way to feel good is to have a really mind-blowing orgasms. The problem is, it takes more and more to get me interested.
I'm going to try. We'll see. Here goes.
I'm tempted to whack off one last time right now, but I'm trying not to.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment