conflicted

I dunno, man.

I'm conflicted.

On the one hand I really want intimacy. I want new experiences and I want excitement. I want another sex partner I'm compatible with. And if I really let myself dream, I want a girlfriend or even a wife who I am really into and who is into me, the way it's supposed to be.

There is so much at stake, my whole life is at stake, and I'm not doing anything about it.

observation 2

things are not always as they seem. you see a clip and it looks good, you search and search and download the whole shit and it's big titty bitch this, big titty bitch that, phoning it in. sometimes things are better left to the imagination.

the cons

conning girls into conjugal acts with me - which is contrary to a healthy relationship - is probably because I wasn't raised to have a lot of confidence.

I was just thinking about how my mind works. I think somehow my parents didn't raise me to be brimming with confidence. If I had been, I think I would have been a lot more healthy and had a lot healthier habits.

Being somewhat fixated on girls has a lot to do with it I think. When I was horny as hell as a teenager, there was always the overarching thought that I could never get a girl, would never get laid. It was like serving a very long jail sentence where your release date feels so far off that it may not even be real, may never come true.

Now that I have experienced girls on my own I understand that I can get good looking girls, and have had a little bit of casual sex (I dunno, like 10 girls. not a lot.), I am finally recalibrating my former outlooks and thoughts.

It would have really helped my marriage to have done this years ago, sown my wild oats.

In the post below, I referred to the last time I saw my mexican ex-mistress. I said,

Driving away in my new car I weighed the experience. I didn't regret coming but I missed my kid. My time with my kid is more valuable than driving over an hour away for THIS rude person - especially to pay to feed her. Fuck that. I coulda spent that time and that little amount of money on my kid and made her happier. When my kid is grown and I miss her and wish she were little again, I may wish I never wasted even that one afternoon on my ex-mistress. Even though it will hurt and she'll be really shitty to me, next time she calls me, I gotta turn her down.

That will be a rare experience for me, turning a girl down. I've rarrrely done it. The funny thing is, when I think back to the few times in my life that I've done it, I see that instantly the girls sense that you're "over it" and they flipflop and act sweet, to lure you back in.

This girl won't be that way but I don't care.

Now that my experience with other girls has grown and I've come to understand not only the non-idealized reality of girls and sex, but that I am attractive (maybe not to everyone but to some people for sure) and can get girls for sure, i feel a lot less compelled to womanize. If I had always felt this confident I would have been a lot better off all along.

you are my satellite

my mexican ex-mistress who got pregnant several months after we broke up four years ago, is moving in with her baby daddy on Monday. She doesn't know him that well.

The last time I saw her was, what, a year ago. I picked her up at a Mexican coffeehouse we used to go five years ago when we were in love. We would get cafe de canela or atole. Cafe de canela is Mexican coffee made with cinnamon, and atole is a hot drink made from corn flour.

We talk on the phone in passing once in a while. She always asks how I am, and tells me "Everything gonna be fine. It will work out." It strikes me as odd and poignant because I feel like I should be telling her that.

She texted me today for the first time in over a year.

pase las noches mas maravillosas contigo te ame y te llevo en mi corazon por siempre de mariposa

It translates as "I've spent many wonderful nights with you, my love, and you go forever in my heart like a butterfly." It sounds a little lame in English but in Spanish it's very touching.

She's never said anything like that to me before. I think she must be resigning herself to settling with this guy.

I wrote back,

El amor de tu ha sido como tomar cafe de canela caliente:

Me tomó por sorpresa al principio, pero me ha mantenido caliente durante mucho tiempo.

"Loving you has been like swallowing hot cafe de canela:

It took me by surprise at first, but has kept me warm for a long time."

3 more

continued:

24 y.o. Peruvian chick - I met this chick over a year ago off Craigslist. Her ad seemed pretty cool and her photos looked really cute. She has a son the same age as my kid. I talk to her on the phone; she's at a park having a birthday party for some child relative. The whole time she just yaps and yaps about herself and I can't really understand her, partially because the background noise, partially because of her thick accent and talking a mile a minute about things I could care less about. I'm already having doubts but if she's super cute it might make up for it, or so I was thinking.

I met up with her at about 5:30 PM while I was on the way to a business dinner. She lives with her parents in a not-rundown trailer park. I now know better, I mean, where am I gonna fuck someone if not her house? Definitely not the hooker motel, not til I get our credit card debt paid off, especially in this economy.

Anyway her parents are Jehovahs Witnesses! So she has to like sneak out and meet me at the little central park thing in the trailer park. Lord.

Anyway she looks nothing like her photos. I don't know how she even took ones that look like this. Now, society puts a ton of pressure on people to be anorexic thin and I don't want to add to that. I like women from skinny to pretty chunky, not morbidly obese, but that's just me. Anyway she's wearing like a t-shirt or sweatshirt with the neck cut out a la Flashdance, exposing her tattooed breasts, and instead of looking rockabilly-ish, she looks like a total slob. Also this chick is BIG. Her gut is way bigger than her little boobs and I feel sorry for her if she's not happy with her body type, but for me? Not a turn-on.

ALSO - and again, not putting anybody down here - her teeth were the kind that angle backward. You know? For ME... turn-off.

Anyway she blathered on and on, we drove around a bit, to the place she and her brother lived in, where he is just moving out of. Kind of a huge shithole! His guitar gear and stuff was still there but the house was open. Nice.

So she's like way unsophisticated and not a great conversationalist unless you count monologue-ing. I don't need someone to be all into me but it boggles the mind when they know nothing about you and don't even ask!

After a good long while, like an hour, I tell her I have to go to my meeting. She says "I could come with."
"Nahhhh..."
"No seriously I'm fine just tagging along."
Uhhh like I'm gonna have this ghetto slob hanging out saying GOD knows what at this super fancy restaurant with a smooth Italian multimillionaire?! Holy shit fuck no. "Well it's a business dinner."
"I could wait in the car."
"I don't know how long it'll be. Could be an hour, could be 2 or more."
"I don't mind. I'm good at entertaining myself."
Bitch, get a hint! If I wanted you to be there I would say yes!! JESUS!! Does it SEEM like I want you there?!

Fucking hell. So I finally scrape her off my shoe and she proceeds to call and text me for the next YEAR.

First she starts calling, and I really can't stand talking to her so I keep it short. Soon after, she calls me but then I realize her dad has caught her and she has to change into the "Ok well I'll talk to you later, Mary." move. Jesus Christ, you're 23 and have a kid!!

Anyway I start ignoring her calls so she starts calling me from private numbers. Good god.

Also the texts - she texts me photos of her half naked, and naked, and texts asking me to be her booty call. i keep telling her No, and giving various polite reasons, but she doesn't stop!

Over the next year she gets I guess lipo on her stomach and a boob job. The nude photos start to look better. She keeps asking me to meet up with her but I blow her off.

She asks me directly to meet up with both our kids at the zoo one weekend not long ago. Fuck! Get a hint! Anyway I do the Los Angeles "Give me a call!" and then don't answer my phone on Saturday.

So last week, I get a call from a new number. I answer it and it's her. Fuck! She is right nearby and wants to meet up and show off her new body. I'm in a good mood because I'm on my way to dinner with the little 33 y.o. half mex half filipina for our second date. Ok ok ok fine. Call me crazy but I agree. Keep in mind this bitch has been after me for over a year after seeing me ONE time!

At dinner the half mex is totally fun. We go to this real fancy sushi joint, the kind real Japanese people go to. The food is so good! Holy shit! She orders us two all-you-can-eat specials which is $50 but we only eat $21 worth of sushi so that was a bust.

Anyway I naturally assumed a dinner date was a dinner date but half mex wants to bone me. I tell her I gotta get home to my kid! She gets ALL bummed out and frustrated and says she doesn't usually get such a hard time from guys. Uh hello? It's our second date and it was for DINNER, not DINNER AND HANG OUT ALL NIGHT. Fuck!

So I make out with her a bit in the car, man her DD's are nice. She tells me to fuck her, hm no thanks. I tell her I don't bone without a full STD test for herpes and HIV and genital warts and stuff but she's still frustrated, and believe it or not gets into the whole thing about "You think I have something?" Uh, NO, i'm RESPONSIBLE. wtf?!

Anyway I leave and on the way home at about 10:30PM I meet up with Peruvian at a Shell station. She's wearing tight jeans, Ugg boots, and I have no idea what kind of top, haha. Her hair is sort of nouveau-1970's-Farrah Fawcett and I remember how warm-cinnamony her skin was. She looks WAY better. Not perfect but a hell of a lot less nasty.

I figure, fuck it, I might as well chalk up one more experience in this life, so right there under the gas station awning thing lit up under the bright lights as she walks toward me I grab her and kiss her. She's actually a really good kisser!














This is not the Shell Station. This one is in the Midwest or some shit. Any gas station in any part of the entire L.A. area would be packed and would have buildings around it, not trees.



We make out for a while and I keep it on the edge of being R-rated. We hug a lot and stuff, it's fun, but she's still kind of annoying. She keeps saying "I'm hotter than a jalapeno" and "you can't believe it, can you?" Yes, you look better, but please knock off the silly talk.

Anyway when it's time to go she keeps kissing me. Now that really pisses me off when people do this. What do you want me to do, PUSH you away? Take a fucking hint and consider how I feel right now!

Anyway I drive home and I've caught her cold. Fuck. I'm sick for the next three days.

Another update

Well I'm back at it.



I have this friend; she's an editor at one of the biggest magazines on the planet. She is very intelligent, very witty, very quick, and has surprisingly big boobs for her frame.

She told me "You're kinda on the prowl, aren't you?"

Really? Me? No.

Am I?

Hmmmmm.... well... maybe a little.

Anyway that was a few weeks ago. Here is the current roster:

26 years old - My friend's baby mama. Mexican with a Lara Croft body.
33 year old Half Mexican/Half Filipina *NEW*
25 year old Japanese girl
23 year old Cambodian girl *NEW*
26 year old Half Japanese/Half white girl who models
24 year old Peruvian girl *NEW* (sort of)
24 year old White girl into BDSM

Friend's baby mama: this is the 26 y.o. Mexican girl from South Central. Good lord her breasts are incredible. Last time I saw her I poured baby oil all over them and rubbed them with one hand while she layed on her back playing with herself until I blasted on her tits. HOLY crap they felt INCREDIBLE in my hands. I am definitely doing that again. I hope. I'll explain in a minute.

Cambodian girl: Her parents are from Cambodia but they are Chinese. Anyway, this bitch is CUTE! Hoooly moly. She looks like a prettier version of Keymore Cash! She is fine.



So get this. one year ago (10 months) I saw this gorgeous and delectable creature on a sex personals site. She was so hot I figured there was no way I could get with that. Plus she was in O.C.

A few days ago I see her on a dating site. totally recognize her! So I pull up her old profile on the sex personals site. No anal sex. No S&M. Whaaaa? Borr-rrrinng.
how i sposed to slap a bitch?
choke a bitch?
force a bitch to do shit that she wants me to make her do?
so i have no idea what i'm supposed to do to this bitch.
make sweet sweet love??
kiss and have missionary sex lying straight out on top of her?
or can i at least put her on her bed on her back and i stand next to it and fold her legs back and drill her?
fuck
we'll find out

But that sex profile says she's looking for a boyfriend without the commitment. So at least that's perfect, right?

And now on this new dating site (non-sex personals, just a dating site) i see she has moved closer.

I hit her up, she totally digs me.

We move to text. i spit like two or three funny things and she said "You always know exactly what to say." followed by "are you good at massages? "
so i figured she was goofing around, plus i was at home so i couldn't make a move on that
so i played back.

next day she emails "i need a massage. "
i write "ok, i'll come massage your back if you're good. if you're really good i'll massage your front."
her: "i get off school at 6-7. U wanna massage me later?"
So instead of saying Yes like a chump, i get more assertive: "Sounds good, i'll be over." HAHA
her: "ok, call u later"
WTF
SO EASY
and she's SLUTTY! and horny!
love it!

I stalk her other profiles (myspace, etc.) and gather intel. What I like about young girls (I dunno whether this works on older girls since I haven't been getting a ton of them, but I assume they are wiser) is that you can use psychological tactics on them. For example, when I was talking to her about what she was looking for, she described how she wants to be free, etc., and assumes any guy she's with will have his side action too. So I said "so you're basically looking for like, a boyfriend without the commitment." BAM! instantly her guard was up. Wow! First time anyone ever caught that, especially anyone so young. She is very sharp. She says "Did you read that somewhere or something?" I used reverse psychology at that point and not only instantly talked my way out of it but had her thinking we are on the exact same wavelength.

Anyway she seems pretty cool and is nice and slutty BUT... aside from no S&M or anal, she lives at home. Aiyeeee! How a man sposed to fuck a cambodian or chinese bitch with her ching chong parents in the barren living room with the white rug and statues?
white tiles in the entryway, all silent and shit
:knock knock: on her bedroom door
"(chinese goobbledygook at her door)"
she sighs and huffs and puffs over to her bedroom door, opens it, yells at mom in chinese
closes it
now i'm sposed to get back to ravaging her
Please.
guranteed if her parents are fobbers they'll look at me like the enemy with dead eyes
"you here to fuck my daughtah!"
yessss.... yes. i here to fuck you daughter. you daughter slut.
"SHE NOT SLUT!! SHE STUDENT!!"
she's a slutty whorey student, ma'am. i brought you some twin dragon almond cookies
"Ahhhhh ancient chinese secret!"
yes, ancient chinese secret!
"you good boy. you go in."
ok thank you. oh ma'am do you have any prophylactics?

mannn i PRAY her parents are like M.I.A. or SOME shit. or that she's a grownup!!
i mean acts her age at least
fuckin 23 and acts all rebellious and covered in tattoos, i fuckin hope she's as self-standing-up-for as she likes to come off



half mex/half flip. This chick I met online a few weeks ago. She's very cute, 33, short, and thick. She is SO fun! We laugh all the time. She's easily the funnest (I know that's not a word) chick in memory.

First we talked on the phone for a week. Then she said I could pass by her work last weekend so I did. BUUUuuuuuUUUT....

I fucked up. First I called mexican baby mama and told her I was coming to see her. Then I called this 38 year old chick I met online and said we could get coffee and meet each other. She was real cool, into most of the same shit I am, cute, white, but 5'10". Whoa. Too tall for me these days. I used to be 5'8" and 5/8ths of an inch. But I shrank!! Now I'm 5'7" and a half or some shit with no shoes on!

Anyway so then I called half mex/half flip and she said I could pass by and say hi at her job. She works at one of those private indoor playgrounds for kids that you can rent out for parties and stuff.

I figured, I would pass by her work, then go fuck baby mama, then grab coffee with 38 year old on the way back.

On the way to half mex/half flip's work, I call the Chinese girl. Spend 1 hour bullshitting outside a grocery store. I pick up a couple treats for 1/2 mex 1/2 flip: two chicken strips in case she wants to nibble, and a pretty but small dessert cake thing.

I go visit her. She's cute!! Wow. Short, with a mop of curly black hair, like a little tan Betty Boop. Big tits, nice round ass, kinda chunky in a super nice way. God damn.

She's got a lot of tattoos, it looks really spicy. I give her the food treats. I think it's a hit. You know, old fashioned guys weren't so dumb. They would bring candy and flowers to girls. You know what? They were not so dumb at all! That is pretty frickin smart. Girls love that shit. It shows you went out of your way, shows you care, and they love sweets and pretty things. I am definitely going to bring treats way more often.

She asks whether I have to go. "No, I'd love to hang out but I figured you have to work." "No, it's ok. We're slow" Sure I can. I hang out til like 6:30. Then she asks again whether I need to go. "no, I don't, but I figured you were going out." So I we go to dinner. The whole evening - dinner, beforehand, everything - really every time I talk to her - I am totally funny! Unbelievable. It's like I'm in top form around here.

One of the things we talk about is dating and she says, "you don't know what the other person is doing when you're not together so how I look at it is, those times when you're together, you're together, and when you're apart that's your business."

By the time dinner's over it's like 10:30 PM and my wife and my baby mama and the 38 year old white chick are all pissed at me and texting up a storm. Fuck. This may be it, my life may be self destructing.

I drive her back to her work and for the third time she asks whether I need to go. I say no and she invites me in. We go down the slides, play in the ball pit, and fire up jolly jump.

Inside the jolly jump we lay down and talk. Then she moves closer. Kisses me. I was happy but also disappointed she cut in front of me and didn't let me make the first move.

We make out and it's good! She talks a little too much and it's annoying, like she's not into it. I like it when a girl is into it so much that she can't talk so much. I love talking, but, I want girls to be so turned on they are lost in it.

Anyway she totally strips naked. Hel-lo! She's totally comfortable and it's great! I have never been with a girl who didn't have a fitness model body but still was this comfortable and confident. Man she looks really nice too. She mentions how her boobs used to be an F but now that she lost 20 lbs they're double-D's. Fine by me! Haha

She also has a really soft body, and a nice round ass. She talks a LOT. She asks what I'm into. I ask her what she's into. "I like giving head, I love getting fucked doggy style while I play with my clit, I like anal sex sometimes... um, what about you?" Sounds good to me! Shit.

So once again the DOWN side is, she has her own place but in a week is moving back in with her parents to take care of one of them who is sick. Dammit! Just when I thought I found a perfect one.

So, 38 year old white chick sends me a NASTY text message. Followed by a nastier email the next day. I write back and apologize sincerely and she says thank you for the apology.

Baby mama hasn't contacted me since. DOH!!
I need to save that relationship. Stay tuned.

I talked my way out of it with my wife but jesus. I need to chill. She recognizes patterns. She totally suspects something.

I'll write more about the 25 year old white girl into BDSM, and the Peruvian girl, later. And the Japanese girl.

reeling

i'm typing in crappy 4-bit color mode with my screen set 640x480; it looks like a 1979 version of a PC. the screen is 640x480 res, so it's like looking at your cell phone on a 17" screen.

i was screwing off instead of going to work, went to watch a video, and my ialmrnt5.dll driver crashed. i'm in the middle of some downloads so now i can't restart my computer until they're done. one is the lovely Renae Cruz and the other few are from a pay site i found a hacked password for. ching!!

but sitting here in this hell reminds me of how fucked up things are. who the fuck screws off every day for 4 hours instead of going to work? who has a half-assed computer instead of a mighty and stable PC with a 1-terabyte drive and a giant screen?

notice i didn't say Apple, because, fuck Apple and fuck Apple people.

let's see, what else.

the other day i went to see the japanese chick. MAN is she cute. She's easily one of the cutest girls i've ever been with. i'm impressed with myself for pulling her. especially when i see myself in the mirror most days. google the words FAT RUSSELL CROWE and i look like most of those photos: good, but not so good.






she's a tricky one to wrangle. very smart, very moody, and very head-case-ian. That should be a crazy Armenian girl's name, Headcaseian. HA!

She lives in Santa Monica in a little townhouse cluster, you know the kind of apartment building where it's like a beehive of connected townhouses? She lives with her 21-year old sister and her sister's boyfriend's best friend. He's cool, some big chunky tall mop-headed jew.

holy shit this bitch takes for EVER to do anything sometimes. It took me like an hour to get her to just change clothes and get out of the house, she is constantly ADD and lagging. Fuck that gets annoying.

We go eat, I pay, I'm feeling like Man, the other day I dumped $50 into her and her sister to go eat, probably around $100 in food alone down this bitch yet it's a huge pain in the ass and a time waster dealing with her. WHY am I not using hookers?

yes, yes, calm down, I would never. First off I could never. They HAVE to be into it or how could I even get turned on? Second, hellow?? STD's??? Third off I would kill myself.

We go back to her house, blah blah, I started kissing her, she got horny and moaned and panted but pushed me away. Now THAT pissed me off. So I started mauling her, which she was into but she kept fighting me. Oh HEEEERE we go with THIS shit, huh??

Now, for a 25-year-old 5'2" petite little Japanese girl this chick has VERY big tits, like C-cups? They look awesome. I reach in the v-neck of her shirt and start playing with her nipples. She moans and pants but tries to push me away. SHAADDDUPPPPP

I remembered how this kinda rad chick (what is my name for her? I need to look back in my blog here and link to her) I met on a bondage personals website in 2004, told me the other week that she likes to flick girls' nipples and watch them get hard. So I flick this Japanese girl's nipples and she likes it. kinda fun.

I do a takedown onto the carpet in the living room with her roommate guy upstairs. She fights me and is more and more turned on as we make out. She's moaning yet telling ME to be quiet and to knock it off. PLEASE!!

Oh by the way, a tip for all you guys and lesbos and bi girls: ALL girls love being kissed on the neck.

Her shirt has a V-neck so I straddle her and with one hand I pin her hands over her head, stretch the V-neck open and pull each of her tits out of her bra and expose them in the V. She pushes me away and starts complaining-POW!! I slap her face and she stops and is silent.

I kept mauling her tits, then took my hand away from holding her wrists above her head. She pulls her arms away and POW!! I slap her again and put her arms back over her head. She tries to move away one more time and I slap her again and tell her not to move.

I grab my phone, but Fuck! the keyboard lock!! I'm spinning it all around in one hand trying to hit the keys in the right order to unlock it. Note to anyone with a brain: never have your phone NOT on lock mode when you are not using it, or risk accidentally calling someone and having them hear what you are talking about.

Anyway I fire up the camera but it doesn't have enough memory available to run, so now i have to kill all the open applications. how annoying.

The whole time she doesn't move. nice!! I like submission.

Finally I get it fired up and start taking pictures of her on her back on the carpet with her hands above her hand and her tits exposed. She doesn't even move or protest. Nice!! Most girls love to be praised, especially in bed where they feel insecure and have issues, so I tell her, "Good girl." I find this works really well for me, especially on girls with daddy issues.

Side note, i LOVE younger girls with daddy issues. Can Not Get Enough!
First off I'm almost 39, so I am definitely older. But i look around 30, so I believe the girls don't feel too scandalous being with me, but I still fulfill their need for an older guy.

PLUS, the great thing about younger girls is, you know how if you could go back to high school you would just totally have it wired because of everything you've learned now? Now I see just how much I could have and should have gotten away with in my 20's.

And as another side note, you really can get away with a lot. You can be a crazy lunatic and people eat it up. Especially the worthwhile ones.

And the young ones especially, have never seen anybody act as wild, because possibly most of they have dealt with are chumps around their age.

Since the photos looked like shit so I am going to bring a better camera next time; it will have to be a film camera because my little pocket digital is broken. Fucking Sony with their shitty-ass screens. I found a recall on them but it was like a giant clusterfuck trying to figure out all their rigamarole. FUCK Sony.

In addition to photos I have a couple other little updates cued up for you guys. Just need to upload some pics and whatnot.

Stay cool,
me

chick update:

I wrote this a couple months ago. I'll have a current update shortly, but this will catch you up.

- 26 year old half japanese bisexual model. very smart, unbelievably cute, very kinky, very horny. single mom to two kids. this one is fun but annoying. first the fun part:

she loves anal sex. she would have anal sex every day if she could. What??

and loves getting a cock forced down her throat. hel-lo! just my type.

she also loves getting choked until she passes out. gracious. i don't need to see a girl pass out but this chick is as hardcore as they get.

but. she is too eager. i get annoyed by girls who try so hard to let me know they're available that they throw themselves at me. i like being the aggressor, not only in intimate situations but also leading up to them. girls who ask me out nonstop just bug the piss out of me. play hard to get. make me hope i can get you. do not show me you like me - i will lose respect for you because i barely like myself. make me fairly sure you like me but leave me not knowing for certain.




speaking of which, here's a new one. you guys are going to love this. it's totally me:

- 24 year old white girl into BDSM. i found her on a dating site. a little goth-ish, has a guy, blah blah. we start chit-chatting about photography and i play it TOTALLY chill. we are just friends. then she says we should get together over coffee so i can show her some shit about an old camera she has. i totally know what's up. and i'm betting she's going to dump the boyfriend. she seems familiar. in the back of my head i halfway wonder...

She also goes to the same club as the arab chick I mentioned. Small world.

anyway as informed readers know, i am a ninja information gatherer second to none. i dig around online. find her two blogs and her myspace. BAM. now I know for sure:

i talked to this chick FOUR or FIVE years ago, on a bondage/sex personals site when she was 19. Yes!!

She deleted her profile on that site years ago, but I saved it. How ya like me now?! Now I can look into what she wrote and what she was looking for, and use it to ensnare her more, if i want.

At the time she didn't do a thing for me, no spark there at all. Anyway I wouldn't put any photos in my profile back then nor send her any photos because I was paranoid about my wife finding out. Nowadays I'm more lax; I found ways around stuff and I minimize risk. You kinda cannot function at all without pics.

Anyway, when we first talked years ago she cut me off because I wasn't forthcoming with photos and I didn't really miss her. But now it's round 2.

However: Before I figured out it was her, I had realized sex is easy to come by especially in this day and age (maybe it always was and I just lacked the self confidence to put a move down back then), PLUS i have so little time away from work and home, PLUS i would rather be with my kid than some chick I really don't even like or feel attracted to. even if i can do fucked up shit to her and have her enjoy it. ALSO, i am getting more and more scared of herpes and STD's, so that keeps my actual sex on the side to a MINIMUM.

anyway sure enough, she and the boyfriend break up. in her blog that her friends read, she writes that he dumped her. in her emails to me she writes that she dumped him.

anyway she asks me to coffee the other week and starts pressing me. fucking chill, would you? i get her digits and she starts texting me to hang out every night. Lord. anyway i may slap her around a little (calm down, people. she is looking for that) and mess around but who knows.


- 25 year old japanese girl. party animal, lives at home, doesn't drive. cute face, horny, free spirited but not sure exactly how kinky. Fairly kinky. up for anything. dying to have me and one of my friends double penetrate her. hell-lloooo! she says she masturbates to DP porn and wishes she could accomodate a cock in her ass better. ya don't say. Tell ya what:


i'm willing to give it a try.


Anyway i was on the cell with her, and without her knowing it, drove to her apartment. she told me "hang on," and answered the door.

as soon as the door opened i attacked her, bodyslammed her, pinned her down, slapped her around, and forced her to kiss me. she does this annoying thing when i'm kissing her while holding her head (so she can't turn away), which is to tuck her chin down. now i'm making out with her nose. what the fuck, people.

Anyway i shoved my fingers inside her. D R I P P I N G wet.

she pushes me away then lures me back in. she's annoying. also i know she is cold hearted and that has me torn between chasing her, using her for sex, and walking away completely.

Anyway, I slap her face, her tits, and her ass. I chomp on her little tan buns and eat her out. Eventually I'm covered in sweat and we stop. ANYway....

- 23 year old EX BEST FRIEND OF THE 22 YEAR OLD FROM 2006!! WTF?! She is very raw and crude and awesome and is way mature for her age. It's weird. I really like her as a person. We probably won't have sex. THIS fucking bitch. once again, small world. i met her on another dating site and recognized her. anyway i blew it. oh well.

- 23 year old immature whiny white-ish girl. smart, chubby, cute, but way too desperate. She sent me her number right away and asked "will you really text me?" fuck!! this girl, i keep thinking she might be a little animal in bed but then again i suspect not. she is such a zero to me that i can't even remember to call her.

- I helped a Mexican chick yesterday with a broken down car; her front teeth were not very long and that bugged the shit out of me, sort of the opposite of Bugs Bunny. She also had a massive spare tire around the waist. But she has a cute face and a pierced tongue which I imagined blasting on. So i got her number and she's been texting me. man, this one tapered off, thank god. she was not attractive at all. i probably couldn't even get a hardon no matter what with this one. and i'd feel bad using her just for sex.

- 42 year old half filipina I met off craigslist. Cute, slim, smart, art lover, but way too high strung for me. kinda on-again, off-again with this one. it went from her needing tons of attention every day to zero to about a 7 now. hopefully i can chill it down to a 4.

when she needed attention every day i eventually came over to her house, hung out for a long-ass time, then finally made out with her and went down on her. she was really into it, but i just couldn't wait to get the fuck home to my kid the entire time. i was like looking at the clock watching time get pissed away.

after, she was like "wow, talk about rushing into it, hee hee!" uh what?? she basically said that it was fun and kinda wild that i basically came right over and jumped her bones. HELLO!!! EARTH TO PERSON NOT GETTING IT!!! I was over for HOURS, *plus* we slid into it. Coming over and attacking you means you open the door, I grab you and slam you against the wall and make out with your face, rip your clothes off, pin you to the ground, and do whatever i want to you. Unbelievable, this chick thinking THAT was fast.

- 25 year old arabic chick I met on a sex personals site. Heavyset, cute, very crude, very brash, but pretty straight out. Heavily pierced, heavily tatttoed, into a whole gothic kinda look. this one is cool but i am absolutely 100% not at all attracted to her. she's cool and we're good friends now but totally into me. poor girl. she's nice but come on. not me. don't be that into ME.

- 20 year old mexican chick. Now this is another one you guys will love. I met this chick two years ago at a club. gorgeous face, no lie. i put a photo of her up online and it gets tons of hits and tons of comments.

anyway, she is short and has smallish tits and a big torso and butt. i like big butts and i cannot lie, but, i want a waist smaller than your ass. that's just me. not talking shit on the fat chicks, i have love for all of you, but i am talking about where my own personal tastes lie.

anyway she looked, i dunno, what, 27? turns out she was 17 or 18 in this bar every sunday and monday night, drinking!! HELL-LOOOOO!! and covered with tattoos!!

[2006] Back in '06 i got her number and joked around, "Your boyfriend isn't going to mind?" she says "no, we're on a break." perfect, right? i joke around more and challenge her that she's giving me a fake number and either she keys hers into my phone or mine into hers, i can't remember. anyway right afterward this young mexican guy who was hovering by my elbow the entire time steps in and starts grilling her with questions looking all weak. Whaatt?? wack.

anyway i ask if that's her b.f. and she says yes! scandalous.

i walk her outside and boyfriend is playing puppy dog and trying to talk to her. i realized what a man i was in comparison to him the boy, me standing up straight, talking in a confident voice, not tagging along murmuring little blackmails and politics to try to keep his g.f.

anyway she and i start texting and calling back and forth a bit. she's a little smart but dumb overall. plus young. anyway clearly she's not cleanly broken up with this goof and it becomes clear he has another real girlfriend.

i ask about her dad and of course he cheated on her mom too. the guy's barely older than i am i think!! haha holy shit!!

anyway that all has me thinking that her pattern is to find cheaters. that's fucked up. i pray to god i can mold my brain into being a noncheater when i'm around my kid so she can magnetize to guys who aren't cheaters. but i doubt i can. how horrible.

anyway i met this DJ from Rio de Janeiro online, turns out he's visiting LA right now [2006]. i pick him up to roll to this brazilian club night and i get her to come.

i scam us all in for free like i always do to every event - i pretty much rule at that - yet another awesome thing about me i need to remind myself of, whenever i'm downing myself - and i try to hold her hand walking in but she is weird about it. she's kind of annoying. i like it when she's into me but not when i'm like "do you even want to be here?"

anyway i meet Evil E and my man is drunk. i get his digits and we consider going to this other party he invites us to, but i end up driving the DJ home on the westside and then taking that chick all the way back to LA to her car, then driving back west home again.

along the way we see the titty bars on Sunset Blvd like Crazy Girls and so on. She says she's never been to one and always wanted to go. Always?! You're barely 18!!! HEY-OOOOO!!

anyway i try to hang out with her again, drive all the fuck the way out to her house, i'm out side and she says she'll call me back in 15 and then flakes and leaves me hanging. NOT cool. Fuck this chick.

she keeps texting and calling back and forth so i try to kick it once more, she says she's in her car with her girlfriends and they are drinking in a gas station parking lot.
Pounding beers. In a car. At a gas station.
how low class is that? i'm over it. Done.

[2008] So earlier this year i see her online on messenger. BAM i hit her up. (now she's 20 years old, so all you people who think i'm a cradlerobber, calm down. )
She says she had a kid with that guy. shocker. who didn't see this coming?

anyway, i note her kid's bday and name down. months later (recently) when i see her online again, i ask how he is and A) she's broken up with her boyfriend (who didn't see this coming?) and B) I say "didn't (her kid's name) just have his first birthday a few days ago?" BAM she eats it up. chicks LOVE it when you remember dates. ladies, am i right or wrong?

anyway spreading my newer and newer wings, or should i say, spreading my wings more and more, i realize i can get WAY suggestive - beyond suggestive; i know now that i can say shit flat out - and stuff. so i pay her some compliments and start to joke around about grabbing her ass. she says she prefers spankings. oh it is ON.

so i push it more and get pretty blatant. she opens up and tells me how she likes having her hair pulled a certain way, and likes when a guy holds her hands over her head and has his way with her. Roger that, moving in for the kill. LOL.

Ok anyway i gotta get to work. talk to you guys later. thanks for reading.