Quick Note

Just a quick note. I'm doing better. I haven't whacked off in like three or four days maybe. Not even in the shower. Zero interest. Actually it doesn't even cross my mind, now that I think about it. I haven't stayed up all night surfing porn either. I have stayed up all night reading about photography and photography equipment but I am getting better about wrapping up and going to bed, too. The compulsion is separate from the lack of horniness. If I weren't being distracted with my photography, I'd be looking at porn and then I'd be whacking off again, multiple times a night (and day).

I'm still wacked in the head - I can't stop flirting with girls (in fact my wife and child and I went to the mall, and I got away for a while, and a young 20-something girl ended up asking for my number) - but I'm not fucking up with porn so manically out of control like I had been for the past several years, night after night.

I really am losing my sex drive. I honestly have no interest in it. How strange. Is it normal? Or did I burn it out?

All I know is, I hope it stays this way. I've fallen so many times in so many ways that I don't pin all my feelings on any one hope. I know it's not likely that anything will stick but I don't cast a dark cloud of "It'll never work" over it. All I need is to keep distracting myself. If I can't treat it at the source, maybe I can treat it empirically. A "dry drunk." Someone who isn't drinking but is still a raging alcoholic.

Wish me luck. I'm hoping like hell. Without putting any feelings into it.