Lots of changes. I keep wanting to compose a post for this blog but I never have alone time to really sit down and type.
I've been pretty good. I haven't laid a finger on another woman since March 26 or so, I'm sorry to say. Sorry in a way. In a way I don't care; in another way I worry that I'll regret it later, when I'm old and can't get any girls to give me the time of day.
I've met a few women and got some minor flirtations going on. I find that if they're too nice, it instantly rules them out for me. I just get turned off.
One of them is the spittin' image of a 40-year old version of the 21 year old. Amazing. However, she's the opposite, a real sweetheart. I could sense her desire to meet someone special, but I could also sense her goody-two-shoes-ness. She works at a company we bought, so I did all the little things like leave my cell phone for her boss, and of course she calls me on it. But the first time she said "I thought about moving, and I prayed on it," I knew she was 100% ruled out, completely unworkable. I want excitement and passion; I don't want to lead on a poor desperate girl and hurt her feelings.
Another is a Thai chick, about 30. She's got money and lives out here with some guy in order to get her green card or something. She's interested but I feel like she's another nice one. Clearly she's sneaky - she implied she was single, but I found out the real story, for example - and motivated by money, but even so, I feel sorry for her. She must be very lonely here.
I was very flirty with her and got her to basically suggest that we go to this Thai restaurant I had heard about up in Hollywood, but why? I don't want to fuck her. I'm not sure I could even take her seriously as a sexual partner so I don't even think I'd want to make out with her. I'm not sure we could really become friends. I wonder, though. Anyway, I pity her, but I don't want to hurt her feelings.
I also have been flirting with the mother of this 19 year old model we hired. The model also happens to look one hell of a lot like the 21 year old. The mom doesn't, but she's divorced, a high ranking executive, and rich as fuck. She also feels unattractive and I'm sure she feels shit on due to her husband doing the usual Orange County thing and dumping her for a hot girl scarcely older than his daughter.
On the one hand I want to get something going on, like take her to dinner and get a flirtation going on, but on the other hand I'm scared it may backfire and she'd tell my boss, the CEO of my company, and I'd get canned. I also worry that if it did go over well, she'd get too attached to me and I'd hurt her feelings.
She's a multi fucking scrillionaire so I fantasize that I could turn her into a sugar mama. I'm not sure what I'd want, though. A new motorcycle? A badder-ass digital camera? Clothes? Eh. I'm getting old; I don't even want stuff.
I also kind of have something going with this woman at a vendor of ours. She's not super hot but she has big tits. We were talking about marriage and she cracked some joke about how she's married for the second time and this husband is a whole other problem she needs to take care of. She said she'd go to dinner with me sometime but I sense she's on the fence about cheating on him or not.
Finally, I've been really bold with the CEO's 41 year old ex-wife. She's going to be on a TV show debuting this fall; she's extremely beautiful. One day she was sitting down and asked me whether I was married. I opened my eyes wide and stared right at her massive fake tits and said, "Not at the moment!" She replied that I was terrible but didn't stop smiling or break eye contact, so I knew she was enjoying it. From that point on I've been really physically forward and dominant with her, like grabbing her hair at the back of her head with one hand, and rubbing her cheekbone hard with the thumb of my other hand; or grabbing her waist with both hands and manhandling her, telling her I'm going to destroy her. She eats it up. She would be an absolute blast in bed.
I miss the two girls I had to dump because I got caught. One in particular, the dog fucker. She was a good friend, maybe one of the best friends I've had. She left a message for me on Yahoo messenger saying I had hurt her really badly. I have been meaning to write her an email or a letter to apologize. I hope I can take some of the hurt away.
Speaking of married women, I'm trying to figure out whether I'm for sure harming a girl by getting her to cheat on her husband/boyfriend. For some it's for sure "yes," but I think for some of them it must be no, like girls who need attention. But I do wonder.
The other day I was getting my hair cut at a hispanic-female-owned salon in L.A. The chick who owned it was kinda cute, but had big latin tits so that bumped her up a notch. She had a wedding ring but gave me her business card and circled her cell phone number. I want to call her because I love latin women and brown skin and big tits (and small ones too, but you know what I mean), but I don't want to make her feel bad about herself.
On the other hand, what if her husband is a total piece of shit and this gives her a smile to come home with to give to her kids (if she has any)? What if he puts her down for her figure or looks or something, and this gives her self-confidence, making her feel better about herself knowing that someone finds her attractive? What if she cheats on him all the time and thinks nothing of it?
I don't know. All I want any more are kinky sluts, preferably married. It sounds like the opposite of wanting to get close to someone, but that's not it at all.
I want married women so I can prove to myself I'm attractive enough to get them to come to me, and of course also for the practical aspects like them being tied to their husband so I don't have to date them or spend holidays with them.
Knowing I won't have to launch into a big old monogamous relationship with them, in a way allows me to open up more. It's safer.
This evening driving home from work the horizon was filled with hazy smoke in every direction, from the wildfire in Palm Springs. The sunset was glowing bright red and huge, bigger and redder than any sunset I've ever seen, even in photos, due to the refraction from all the smoke in the air. I wondered what the sunsets must look like in Shanghai.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Oops
I was literally falling asleep when I wrote that last one. I mean like, I'd wake up and see that I had switched topics midsentence. So if I'm not my usual Nobel-deserving effervescent writin' self, now you know why.
Rumble
I was committed to having a normal hobby and investing in the family, but now that my wife has ruined that for me, I think I'm going to go all the way back to cheating on her.
If I go through with it, it will be different this time. I'm going to have to be as careful as possible, no more lackadaisical flying by the seat of my pants. Every single thing I do is watched and investigated so I'll have to keep everything 100% locked down and under control.
Also, before it was about having fun, falling in love, and in a way, searching for a better match. But now it will be about two things, either crazy sex, or money. Nothing else.
I say "if." In the back of my head I feel like it's not "if," it's "when."
At my new job I'm surrounded by all these fucked up MILFs, fucked up women in their 30's, and teens/20-somethings who have been, and are being, fucked up by their fucked up parents and surroundings.
I've noticed myself already analyzing, weighing out, probing, developing.
There's a quarter-Puerto Rican chick , 30-ish, 5'4" maybe, skinny, very cute face that somehow unfortunately resembles Michael Jackson, no self esteem whatsoever, fake tits for god knows what reason. I feel sorry for her; she used to be with this total obvious piece of shit guy who is completely full of shit. I can't believe someone that hot would get with such a dirtbag.
Just Saturday night at a party where I literally didn't even try to meet anyone, I connected with four for-sure hookups, and spotted a few more potentials
As an example of a potential hookup, there's the aforementioned dirtbag's current girlfriend - one of them. He's cheating on her with at least one girl, and I totally feel scorn for him, for being that way. Shut the fuck up, I don't even want to hear anyone's shit about how I'm just as bad. It's different. He's doing it for different reasons.
Anyway his girlfriend is Colombian and amazingly hot, I mean she should be (if she isn't already, in Colombia and Mexico or wherever) in movies. I could upstage him since I speak Spanish, and right in front of her, warn her about him cheating on her, explaining that I have no stake in the game and don't even know her, and so on. Once she dumped him, I could track her down.
Then I met this Thai chick who is a little younger than me, very cute, and very wealthy. She moved here alone, to the Orange County counterpart of Bel Air, inside the Orange County counterpart of Beverly Hills. She's loaded beyond imagination. I know where she lives; f you add up the total amount of money most people will make over the course of their entire lives, her house cost more than that.
I asked her about where to get good Thai food and she mentioned she likes to go to a place in L.A., but she couldn't remember the name. I asked, "The Palms?" Her face lit up. I explained that a Thai friend of mine had said it was the best Thai place in Southern California, though I had never been there. I said we should go sometime, and when she agreed, I asked whether her husband would mind. She explained that she's not married; she used to be a model in Thailand, then got into business, and finally moved here because "In Thailand, movie make United State seem everything perfect." I even asked whether she moved her with anyone else, since maybe she moved her with her parents or sibling(s) or an ex-husband. She said, "No. One." and held up one finger.
I took her picture and she gave me her email address to send it there. When she was away for a moment, I asked her friend, an older Thai woman, "If I ask her for her phone number, will she mind?"
"No. I give you."
"Are you sure it's ok?"
"No problem. I give you."
She opens up her cell phone and scrolls to it, holding it so I can copy it down. "You have pen?"
Needless to say, I found a pen.
Funnily enough, 5 minutes later I again pulled the older woman aside and said "Are you sure it's ok if I just call her?"
"No, it fine. I already tell her."
"You already tell her what?!"
"I tell her I give you."
"You told her you gave me her phone number?"
"Yes, no problem."
Fuck! Why is this lady so intent on greasing the skids? Well, who cares, that's a hookup.
I waited Sunday and Monday; I'll call her tomorrow. If my wife's working I'll take this chick to dinner. Maybe I will anyway.
I would totally fuck her for money. I can already tell in the back of my head how I'll play it. She's no dummy. She's probably been around gigolos before, and I don't mean male escorts, I mean male golddiggers.
I'll probably need to very-convincingly play like I have no interest in money, my own nor anyone else's, and I'll mix in a huge dose of "I pay for everything; it's a pride thing for me." Once she sees me not milking her, she'll cut loose. If I really work it, I bet I could get her to buy me some really nice shit.
But I don't know that I want to.
I want the shit, I just don't want to take from her. Even if she's super wealthy, in a way it's off-putting.
Honestly, the same thing is true for sex. She totally dug me and theoretically might be a blast in bed. But I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hell, even a little asian mole near her cleavage kinda bugged me.
Speaking of such things, there's this girl I'm connected to through work. She's 20 or so, very hot, and looks strikingly (even in stature and body) like the 21 year old of days gone by. Her mom is not hot, and is too big in the body region for me, but she's a very high ranking executive at a very large and very famous corporation. Talk about money, this woman is rolling in it. Anyway I told the mom that I could see from whence her daughter got her good looks. She said, "She doesn't look anything like me. Have you seen her father? She gets her looks from him." I allowed that I hadn't seen him, and she explained that he was across the room with his girlfriend, and that I should spill my drink on him.
I feigned pleasant surprise that she was single, and said that if she needs a stepfather for her daughter, "let me know." She immediately called me on it, saying, "I think you mean, if my daughter needs a boyfriend." I scoffed and said I was too old for her daughter, asking the girl's age. When she told me (I can't remember, not that it matters), I said "See? Way too young for me. I can't be any less than 2 years younger than you."
She informed me I was very charming but trying to be a big flatterer. I stuck to my guns, saying I was 36 and that's why her daughter is way too young for me, and that I thought she (the mom) had to be 38 or so. "Why, how old are you?"
"50!"
When I asked her incredulously, "You're not 38 or 40?" she said, "Actually I'm 52."
We flirted some more, but, I bet with a very very minor effort, I could turn that into a cash cow for me. I'm going to call her under some pretense tomorrow, but really a double pretense. I'm going to make it look like I'm calling about one thing but using it as an excuse to talk to her. In reality that whole situation is planned and the goal is to get her to treat me like a sugar mama.
My friend told me his dad died a year ago, and that before he died, his dad said he should do what he wants to be doing, with his life. "You're always saving for that rainy day and it never comes."
In my case it probably will come and I won't have saved up for an umbrella. But if I'm lucky I'll have a safe place, like one of my girls' place.
If I go through with it, it will be different this time. I'm going to have to be as careful as possible, no more lackadaisical flying by the seat of my pants. Every single thing I do is watched and investigated so I'll have to keep everything 100% locked down and under control.
Also, before it was about having fun, falling in love, and in a way, searching for a better match. But now it will be about two things, either crazy sex, or money. Nothing else.
I say "if." In the back of my head I feel like it's not "if," it's "when."
At my new job I'm surrounded by all these fucked up MILFs, fucked up women in their 30's, and teens/20-somethings who have been, and are being, fucked up by their fucked up parents and surroundings.
I've noticed myself already analyzing, weighing out, probing, developing.
There's a quarter-Puerto Rican chick , 30-ish, 5'4" maybe, skinny, very cute face that somehow unfortunately resembles Michael Jackson, no self esteem whatsoever, fake tits for god knows what reason. I feel sorry for her; she used to be with this total obvious piece of shit guy who is completely full of shit. I can't believe someone that hot would get with such a dirtbag.
Just Saturday night at a party where I literally didn't even try to meet anyone, I connected with four for-sure hookups, and spotted a few more potentials
As an example of a potential hookup, there's the aforementioned dirtbag's current girlfriend - one of them. He's cheating on her with at least one girl, and I totally feel scorn for him, for being that way. Shut the fuck up, I don't even want to hear anyone's shit about how I'm just as bad. It's different. He's doing it for different reasons.
Anyway his girlfriend is Colombian and amazingly hot, I mean she should be (if she isn't already, in Colombia and Mexico or wherever) in movies. I could upstage him since I speak Spanish, and right in front of her, warn her about him cheating on her, explaining that I have no stake in the game and don't even know her, and so on. Once she dumped him, I could track her down.
Then I met this Thai chick who is a little younger than me, very cute, and very wealthy. She moved here alone, to the Orange County counterpart of Bel Air, inside the Orange County counterpart of Beverly Hills. She's loaded beyond imagination. I know where she lives; f you add up the total amount of money most people will make over the course of their entire lives, her house cost more than that.
I asked her about where to get good Thai food and she mentioned she likes to go to a place in L.A., but she couldn't remember the name. I asked, "The Palms?" Her face lit up. I explained that a Thai friend of mine had said it was the best Thai place in Southern California, though I had never been there. I said we should go sometime, and when she agreed, I asked whether her husband would mind. She explained that she's not married; she used to be a model in Thailand, then got into business, and finally moved here because "In Thailand, movie make United State seem everything perfect." I even asked whether she moved her with anyone else, since maybe she moved her with her parents or sibling(s) or an ex-husband. She said, "No. One." and held up one finger.
I took her picture and she gave me her email address to send it there. When she was away for a moment, I asked her friend, an older Thai woman, "If I ask her for her phone number, will she mind?"
"No. I give you."
"Are you sure it's ok?"
"No problem. I give you."
She opens up her cell phone and scrolls to it, holding it so I can copy it down. "You have pen?"
Needless to say, I found a pen.
Funnily enough, 5 minutes later I again pulled the older woman aside and said "Are you sure it's ok if I just call her?"
"No, it fine. I already tell her."
"You already tell her what?!"
"I tell her I give you."
"You told her you gave me her phone number?"
"Yes, no problem."
Fuck! Why is this lady so intent on greasing the skids? Well, who cares, that's a hookup.
I waited Sunday and Monday; I'll call her tomorrow. If my wife's working I'll take this chick to dinner. Maybe I will anyway.
I would totally fuck her for money. I can already tell in the back of my head how I'll play it. She's no dummy. She's probably been around gigolos before, and I don't mean male escorts, I mean male golddiggers.
I'll probably need to very-convincingly play like I have no interest in money, my own nor anyone else's, and I'll mix in a huge dose of "I pay for everything; it's a pride thing for me." Once she sees me not milking her, she'll cut loose. If I really work it, I bet I could get her to buy me some really nice shit.
But I don't know that I want to.
I want the shit, I just don't want to take from her. Even if she's super wealthy, in a way it's off-putting.
Honestly, the same thing is true for sex. She totally dug me and theoretically might be a blast in bed. But I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hell, even a little asian mole near her cleavage kinda bugged me.
Speaking of such things, there's this girl I'm connected to through work. She's 20 or so, very hot, and looks strikingly (even in stature and body) like the 21 year old of days gone by. Her mom is not hot, and is too big in the body region for me, but she's a very high ranking executive at a very large and very famous corporation. Talk about money, this woman is rolling in it. Anyway I told the mom that I could see from whence her daughter got her good looks. She said, "She doesn't look anything like me. Have you seen her father? She gets her looks from him." I allowed that I hadn't seen him, and she explained that he was across the room with his girlfriend, and that I should spill my drink on him.
I feigned pleasant surprise that she was single, and said that if she needs a stepfather for her daughter, "let me know." She immediately called me on it, saying, "I think you mean, if my daughter needs a boyfriend." I scoffed and said I was too old for her daughter, asking the girl's age. When she told me (I can't remember, not that it matters), I said "See? Way too young for me. I can't be any less than 2 years younger than you."
She informed me I was very charming but trying to be a big flatterer. I stuck to my guns, saying I was 36 and that's why her daughter is way too young for me, and that I thought she (the mom) had to be 38 or so. "Why, how old are you?"
"50!"
When I asked her incredulously, "You're not 38 or 40?" she said, "Actually I'm 52."
We flirted some more, but, I bet with a very very minor effort, I could turn that into a cash cow for me. I'm going to call her under some pretense tomorrow, but really a double pretense. I'm going to make it look like I'm calling about one thing but using it as an excuse to talk to her. In reality that whole situation is planned and the goal is to get her to treat me like a sugar mama.
My friend told me his dad died a year ago, and that before he died, his dad said he should do what he wants to be doing, with his life. "You're always saving for that rainy day and it never comes."
In my case it probably will come and I won't have saved up for an umbrella. But if I'm lucky I'll have a safe place, like one of my girls' place.
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