End of the Year

Well, I don't know what to say because my head is all muddled and I need to go make some money. I'm not really in writing mode but I'm going to try just dumping.

Lately I've been even less inspired by porn than ever. Not only that, but I'm started to get tired of girls. No, I am not turning into a homo, I mean I'm getting tired of the idea keeping up a bunch of side shit.

I've had a couple of adventures here and there but overall, it's sinking in: it's a pain in the ass to have a girl on the side. I think my problem was I used to associate a girl with easy fun. Now I associate her with a big hassle. I've touched the hot stove enough times I'm realizing that it hurts.

Maybe if I were big pimpin' again, clocking thousands a week, I'd want to. But maybe not. It would be a lot easier. I could have a player pad, an apartment or at least a room(mate); a second cell phone that would be much easier to deal with; etc. But like I said, maybe not. Right now I feel like I outgrew it. But who knows what the future holds?



Anyway I've been going to a counselor for like 6 months and overall it's helped me with a bunch of stuff in my life. I got a good counselor; maybe that's part of why it's been positive, but I'm also doing some of the work.

One of the big things I've done is that I'm starting to really not give a shit what people think of me. I'm almost 37, which is almost 40, and I sure as hell ain't gettin' any younger. So why keep ruining the rest of my life? It's helped me get over the fact that my dad isn't my biggest fan. It sucks, but, it's time to get over it. He's just a guy.

Think back to when you were a kid and your mom or dad was, what, in their 20's or 30's. Remember how larger-than-life they were? Not perfect, but, you kinda idolized them. Now think back to when you were that old. You weren't godlike. You maybe didn't know shit. You were just some guy or girl. So you gotta go back in time and re-look at your parents now with a new perspective.