Whenever I have a big task ahead of me I tend to balk at starting. Even if it's something fun I put it off. I'm always sidetracking myself.

Remember that addiction specialist I wrote to, asking for help? The one who is listed on the A&E channel's website for the show 'Intervention'? She never wrote back. How professional is that, to have a webpage where the email address doesn't even work, and then when I got her webmaster to fix it, she didn't even write back a "Sorry, can't help you" or "I received your email and will respond later" or "Can't talk now - write me back later." What a crock. There's a code of ethics for doctors, but apparently not a code of business ethics. What a flake.

My wife and I watched Intervention tonight. It was a follow-up episode where they showed what happened a year later, to some of the people who had been on the show earlier. It was great seeing the crack addicts have their shit together a year later. Then there was this one guy, a compulsive gambler, who I just knew would be on the show and who I knew would have failed.

He was a child prodigy, IQ of 156, graduated UCLA at age 14, taught molecular biology at I think UCLA, after that. As a teenager! It showed clips of him from back then; man what a dork. Bad haircut, and he has one to this day. During the episode with his intervention he was a MANIAC, I mean a complete raving nutter. Screaming, whining, manipulating...

Unfortunately he reminded me of me. I could see all these negative traits we share. So unlike almost all of the audience watching that show, I know what was going on in his mind. And seeing him being such a piece of shit reminds me that I must be just as much of a piece of crap.

Sure enough, a year later, he had failed. Since I too was a prodigy, and because I'm a lot like him, it was easy for me to see when he was being manipulative, even when it was probably invisible to the audience.

It really makes me wonder whether I can turn it around. I suspect I can, because I have before, kind of. I just need a system, and probably some medication.

I found some guy with a blog, ahh fuck I'll write more on this later. I'm beat.