A Friend Indeed

My friend has been screwing this Armenian chick. He lives in Northern California and is my oldest friend who I'm still in contact with. I have talked to him literally almost every day on instant messenger and email for the past 20 years (yep, we had all-text instant messaging and emails in the pre-internet era). I guess he's my best friend even though we don't get along that well. I know I can trust him with certain things, like if I had a vault full of gold, jewels, and money, and gave him the key, I bet he wouldn't take a dime, not in a hundred years. But he's grumpy as hell, very negative, very quiet, and totally uptight, always has been. His dad is a raging alcoholic and I'm sure that's mostly why. He says things like the other day he was taking a back road and saw his dad's car parked by the side of the road with his dad in it, asleep. He tried to wake his dad up but couldn't, since he was passed out and reeking of alcohol. Or last month when his dad was standing there in his house and just fell over onto the ground, then tried to play it off by propping himself up against the wall and acting like "Oh, this is a comfortable place to kick back."

I see him once a year at most because we're both always working or just don't feel like making the trek to each other's part of the state.

Anyway, he's never done well womenwise his whole life; never really found a girl he clicked with where it went both ways. His last girlfriend, her mom was married three times and each of the three husbands ended up leaving her for gay men. That same girlfriend cheated on her old fiance with my buddy, eventually leaving to move in with him. Then she started cheating on my buddy - he didn't know it or admit it, but there was a reason she was at work til 3 AM - so he proposed marriage. Then she left him for the guy she was cheating with. Talk about repeating patterns.

He's been dating internet chicks here and there but says it's a total bust. Anyway, he's been screwing this Armenian chick who he just totally doesn't understand and doesn't even realize it. She has a husband but they're separated. She fucks my friend but has always said she doesn't want a relationship and especially not to get remarried. Me being something of an expert on women, I told him, "Translation: She wants a relationship." He totally didn't get it and claimed I was dead wrong based on what she says being totally contradictory to that. He even told a mutual friend of ours that when we lived near each other (15 years ago) I had zero game. Man oh man is this guy in for a surprise, I thought. Just you wait.

Anyway, sure enough, after two months she starts yelling at him for not saying he misses her when she's away, and starts asking him "Don't you wish I was your girlfriend?", and starts telling him "If you don't want to get serious about me then I'm going back to my husband." I told him, "See?!"

Anyhow, she was going to come down here to L.A. to visit some friends and relatives so he came with, to visit me and a couple other of his friends. My wife and baby and I met up with the two of them last night and had dinner and walked around this real ritzy outdoor shopping area in the city.

First off she's pretty hot. Tall girl, around 5'7"-5'8" but of course wearing small heels so closer to 5'10". Not fat, but a nice big ass and thighs, decent tits. Pretty face in an alert and interesting way. Medium-to-longish dark brown hair, big dark eyes, big juicy lips, and straight & even white teeth.

Second, she's very intelligent and quick-witted, and could hang each step of the way with my humor. We totally clicked and were riffing off each other's jokes. It was all I could do to pay attention to my friend and my wife just to hide from them the instant chemistry between me and the Armenian chick.

The whole night I was staring at her ass as she walked, thinking about what a great lover she must be and how if there were some way we could hook up that she would jump on the chance in a second. Don't even think about doubting me or telling me I'm making an assumption - this is ME here. I know women. She may as well have been wearing a signboard, it was that obvious to me. When you've been studying women as long as I have and spent as much time every day analyzing all the data as I have, the commonalities become very evident. It's like how experienced doctors can recognize illnesses from symptoms, or how psychologists can predict all these things about a person based on them identifying which personality type a person is. The best analogy for my understanding of women is like how an FBI profiler can even predict amazing things like how a serial killer will leave a body near open water or what sort of job the guy probably has.

Anyway, naturally I was wondering how to get her email address, instant messenger name, how to find her on a personals site, and so on. I instantly ran through some scenarios of how to do it. And I was wondering whether she'd take me up on the opportunity or whether she'd rat me out to my friend as a cheater (on my wife) or as a backstabber (to him, since she's sort of "his"). And I was also wondering whether I even really wanted to.

On that last point, it was like, have you ever been looking at something like a slice of pizza when you're not hungry any more, or are even full, and yet, looking at it, you want the good taste so bad you can't even stop yourself from eating it? Even if you don't want to? That's how I feel about her.

And man what I would do to her. I know exactly how to treat a girl like that. My friend is doing a pretty good job but totally by accident - he told her "Ok, fine" when she said she only wanted to have sex and not a real relationship. And when she threatened to go back to her husband if he DIDN'T start a real relationship with her he said "Ok, fine." That works on this type of girl but not anywhere near as much as going back and forth between romance yet pushing her away.

And in bed, mannn oh man, I know exactly what she'd want. Passionate kissing, grabbing her hair and controlling her, taking her over my knee and spanking her, grabbing her hips while we're fucking... it would be a great time. What a wildcat.

Anyway it just served as yet another example of how screwed up I am.