Interesting points. Thanks for writing, too. As far as being a sex addict and not a porn addict, on the one hand, I agree, but on the hand, I disagree: I don't even think I'm a sex addict, I think I'm an anything addict. When I curtail one addiction I just apply my same addictive behavior to the next thing, anything to escape. Even when I was just a child I'd get caught in these mental ruts over anything - reading, listening to records, playing video games, you name it. I'd keep going and going until it was 5 or 6 a.m. and I was about to get up to go to school. I wanted to stop, but couldn't. Strange. I think that thing in my earlier post about Parkinson's drugs that are dopamine agonists, causing compulsions, ties into my A.D.D. : You see, dopamine "helps the brain control motor functions and movement and possibly to perform other functions related to mood. An imbalance or shortage of dopamine can cause brain dysfunction and disease." So, as we saw with the Parkinson's drug, some people whose dopamine balance is juiced up, have compulsive behaviors. And people with A.D.D. have too much natural brain activity. I think it all ties together.
On your other point about "Sex addicts look at the world from a sexual perspective because it is sex that gives them the pleasure and release from the stressors of life. It's possible you don't even know that you appear that way to other people, even through email," well, I know I can appear that way if I'm reckless about hiding it, but when I can keep my thoughts focused enough to hide it, I think I do pretty well.
The pro photographer chick did write back. She was terribly apologetic, and said she sucks at returning phone calls and emails. She also said she has a problem with alcohol and is worried it's getting worse.
The guy I was/am going to trade massive amount of porn with, he wrote back too. He has been out of town on business, not home with his porn collection. He wouldn't care if I did come across as a sex addict; he's an addict too.
And the tall 22 year old chick, she wrote back too, and gave me her phone number.
For the moment, I'm batting 1.000
1 Comments:
The three people not getting back to you could be that it is possible they sense your sexual conquistador nature.
Your recent need to disclose to people is important. Perhaps you are getting ready to free yourself from this problem and all the stress that secrecy can impose - which leads to the need for more release. It's a vicious cycle, isn't it? However, you are not a porn addict - you are a sex addict. Sex addicts are in it for the thrill (the endorphin high of "getting away with it"), the tension release, and add to that a disregard for the negative consequences (the wife finding out, bringing STD's home, etc), then you know you have are indeed a sex addict, and it is NOT easy to stop the destructive behaviors. You might try stopping in a 12-step program for sexual addicts, or going to a therapist who specializes in and understand the difficulty of your problem.
Sex addicts look at the world from a sexual perspective because it is sex that gives them the pleasure and release from the stressors of life. It's possible you don't even know that you appear that way to other people, even through email.
Here is an article about sexual addiction:
http://www.joekort.com/articles18.htm
I enjoy reading your blog sometimes (sometimes it terribly upsetting - mostly becuase I'm a chick), and would enjoy reading about your recovery as well.
Do not stop writing just because friends might read. The disclosure and accountability is important to your eventual recovery.