Taylor (1999) proposes that such engagement can result in the development of a “collector syndrome”, characterised by the compulsive acquisition of pictures. "All of these factors can come together and we see the emergence of the 'collector syndrome,' the compulsive acquisition of pictures for their own sake, rather than a discriminating selection. I believe some of the recent seizures of child pornography collections involving many thousands of pictures illustrate this.” (Taylor,1999) This concept is supported by Young (1998), who describes a distinct clinical concept of Internet addiction characterised by:
• excessive online activity
• a sense of exhilaration and competency as technical mastery and navigational ability improves
• predominant use of two way communication functions (i.e. chat rooms, multi-user dimensions, newsgroups or email)
• significant academic, relationship, financial and occupational disruptions.
The above excerpts were from a study on child pornography. Taylor says he and his reseachers have one of the largest collections of child pornography in the world, at 50,000 images. None of mine are child porn or anything illegal (if it's illegal, I probably find it a turn-off in the first place), but, my porn collection is over 500,000 pics and movies. Ten times bigger than what a researcher believes is one of the biggest collections in the world. I do not possess nor view even one picture of child porn - it is a line I will not cross. I don't even look out of curiousity. Child porn is as wrong as wrong can be; it injures a child, and childhood sexual abuse has really hurt people very dear to me; I wish I could erase their experiences with a wave of a magic wand. Besides which, I don't find prepubescent humans sexual. 20 year olds are hot looking, but a 16 year old with no boobs or ass yet and a child's face is really nothing to get hot and bothered about. She probably is not that interested in sex yet. On the other hand, 35 and 40 year olds are really hot, in a purely sexual way. And they are a lot more likely to know their own sexual responses and be a lot more comfortable with their own body and with their partner's. And best of all, they are in their sexual prime, so they're more horny than ever.
I think that is why pedophiles and child molesters are interested in little kids: the mature, sexual women are scary if you're timid. If you don't feel like a man with a man's appetite for a full grown woman with big tits, big ass, big thighs, and a voracious sexual appetite, you might feel like she's going to embarass you. Me, I respond to exaggerated secondary sex characteristics. Sure, girls who work out all the time and have a small, round butt look incredible, but when I see a girl with a big, fleshy ass (well, I do want it to be round) and a nice soft tummy, my dick wakes up with an Ed MacMahon HELL-LOoooo! Maybe that's why I also like girls with small tits and big asses; it's a way a small girl can look very sexy to me. I even read an article about a porn star (Alyiah) who ran an escort service back East, specializing in blonde girls with small tits and big asses.
When I was about seven, in the mid/late 1970's, my mom taught at my elementary school, so during the summer, she'd be there, and sometimes I'd go with, and hang out or explore, since I didn't have much else to do. I liked hanging out with the receptionist, who was an absolute '70's beauty. She was in college, so she must have been 19 or 20. I still remember her as if it were yesterday. Tan skin, golden and brown Farrah Fawcett hairdo, huge brown eyes, long red nails. She would talk to me as she sat around filing her nails and answering the phone those rare times it would ring. One day we went to the pool together; I think she wanted to lay out. She wore a red and white diagonally striped two piece string bikini, and she was an absolute knockout. Round boobs, wide hips.... I felt something I didn't understand inside. All I knew was I wanted her. Not meaning "wanted to fuck her." No, all I knew was that something inside me hurt, my heart hurt, and I felt a primal urging to do something. I didn't even know WHAT. I just felt an insistent urge, like when you have to pee or are famished or thirsty and your body keeps telling you to do something about it.
Over the years I've thought about contacting her. She still lives in town. My mom knows where she works. I recently casually asked my mom about her. She seemed to have a dim view of her and gave me the impression the woman was a ditz, or something not great.
Tell that to my penis.
Even so, I haven't contacted her, and it's been 28 years or so. Now I'm 35 and she's probably 48. Hopefully she still has her looks. They say life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it. The same is true for me. I was planning to do a few things when I was 26. Now I'm still planning and it's coming up on 10 years later. So in a way I hope I contact her. Just to change things.
“…With this hobby we get bored after a while with the usual and we risk a bit to get new stuff or actual experience. It’s a natural progression. Like stealing. You start small. Get bored. Go for bigger stuff…” (Taylor, 1999; p. 5),
Speaking of stealing in general, I do try to avoid doing it, but, I am pretty good at it. I go to the plant nursery to buy five palm trees, and tell the checkout person, "I'm not going to bring them all up now, can you just ring me up for five, and I'll back my truck up?" Sure, of course, sir, no problem. Then I take six or so. If you walk out like a doofus absorbed in your thoughts and not like a guilty "trying to look innocent" person, nobody will even look twice. You can walk up to almost any sort of situation and if you look very matter of fact and even bored, people will assume you're supposed to be there. Anyway, another method at the nursery is, I'll buy some King palms and some Imperial palms - if I were to get caught (which I never am, not that I make a practice of stealing), I'd become "confused." The clincher would be "I would have felt like an idiot bringing the plant back, because, I don't even have ROOM for one extra palm in my little garden!"
Or at a take-out restaurant, if you order two small items and the person behind the counter says "Are you number 37?" as they slide a giant bag of food across the counter, you say "Yes, I am." Again, if questioned, act normal, just, be "confused." "Huh? 37? Yeah, see, here's my receipt." "Actually this says you are 43." "Huh? Oh! Ha ha, yeah I was zoning out or I woulda noticed how darn big that bag of food is. No way I could eat all that! I woulda got home and been like 'Whaaat??' Ok, cool, thanks!"
I once talked my way out of a felony I had committed. I was in the back of the police car and I just acted very nice but confused, like a complete doofus. Eventually the cop said, "Look, you seem like a nice guy, just a little... " shakes his head, not wanting to be mean to an idiot, "Look, just get the hell out of here. Any other cop would haul you off to jail and tow your car, but just, get the hell out of my sight." "Yes sir, I'm sorry, I mean, I didn't mean t-, I mean I would never- I don't - ok anywayz thanks!" Yeah, right.
Now, when I say to act confused, I don't mean ACT confused, because that's a dead giveaway. You probably are a bad actor. I am. What you have to do is BE confused. Do what a confused person would do. And to do that you have to actually BE confused. Take all your thoughts and stick them away someplace where they can only whisper faint suggestions to you through a padded tube. You need to actually become the lie.
If you want to act innocent, when the cops show up at your door and ask you to come down to the station, don't say "Sure!" and grab your keys, to show how innocent and willing you are to prove your innocence. A real innocent person would go "To the station? Why??" and "Yeah but what'd I do? I mean you actually think I d- Am I under arrest?!" and "Do I have to go? I mean, I don't know what all you are thinking but I don't even want to get involved in your investigation. I'm sorry if I can't help you but a police station is about the last place I want to be. If you have any questions you want to ask me now, or if you want to take my number and call me, I guess that's fine, but, you know, I mean, come on." Just act exactly as if a cop came to your door and asked you to come down to the station to talk about some crime you DIDN'T do. 'What? Hell no!'
This approach works for lying to women, too. They always say how the socipaths and con men who were the most convincing, seemed to be totally genuine. This is how they do it.
I don't do it out of being a sociopath or wanting to take money from a woman - as I said before, I would never. No, I do it for the love, and to give them love.
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