What It Is

You know what it is? I love women. Not just having sex with them or looking at them or falling in love with them. It's more than that. I just love them for being women. I love being around them. When I was a kid, I used to love hanging out with girls so much more than boys. The way they talked to me, related to me, were nice to me, the way they were, just everything about them attracted me. I always had friends who were girls and I felt closer to them.

If I had to pick anyone to be stuck on a desert isle with, it would undoubtedly be a woman. I can actually be better friends with a woman than I can a man. Somehow I can just love them more.

It's love.

That's why I flirt with women so much, and that's why I do whatever I can to attract them to me. I want them to be near me, be best friends with me, pay attention to me, let me pay attention to them...

That's why I'm always so afraid to wear my wedding ring: the "good" ones won't want to talk to me, and they'll shut me out. That means that even a potential friend of mine, someone I could love deeply, could be turning her back on me just because she saw the ring. That would hurt me. I can't have that. So I don't wear it a lot.

This is why some of the women I "prey" on are vulnerable. In my scope of women to flirt with, I include women I know I can get to love me because they are/were either abused, or are overweight, or are not super hot, or are older, and I know I can be unlike anyone they've ever met, and treat them like they've never dreamed, just being myself.

I am very different from most anyone you'll meet. I constantly say "Sure, why not?" and "So what?" rather than "No." I'm unendingly generous with money, affection, and romance when it comes to my women as well. As a result, I'm in some ways a dream date. I've taken women to Las Vegas for a spur-of-the-moment, extravagant weekend at their request; I am constantly bringing flowers; I never fail to open every door through which she will pass; I lavish compliments and affection; I write sappy love letters; I've taken women dancing in the rain with the car door open and stereo playing music so beautiful my heart feels like it's going to burst...

You know that crazy romantic planning stuff guys do when they are going to propose marriage, and they want to do something like have the waiter bring a special covered dish out, and under the dish instead of dessert, it's the ring, because the guy had it planned all along? Those guys got nothing on me. I'm constantly doing stuff like that, only I'm like James Bond, I'll go to astounding lengths to create this multi-layered illusion for the woman.

Hell, come to think of it, even when I was 22 I once produced wine glasses and chilled beverages when I knew a girl and I would end up parking near this pier at sunset. In fact, when I was 20, my girlfriend was in the shower with the shower curtain closed, and I peed in the toilet and then flushed. Of course, after you flush, the shower goes scalding hot for a moment, so before she could get burned I just grabbed her and snatched her out of there, shower curtain and all, ripping it off all its rings, literally sweeping her off her feet and into my arms. She thought it was romantic and chivalrous of me to not want her to get burned, but of course, the whole thing was staged.

It may sound like I'm bragging or being arrogant but I'm not. All of the above is a simple matter of fact. And I'm not bragging about it because in a way I'm ashamed of it. I take pride in being far better at romance than many, many people. But I feel horrible knowing I'm consciously doing it as a manipulation.

Still, I don't do it heartlessly. I do it out of love. Even if I don't love the woman romantically, I still feel so much compassion for her and love for her as a human being, and pity, that I want to make their dreams come true. I want them to see that they are a wonderful person. I want them to see that they are an attractive person. I want to improve their self-esteem. I want them to learn that there are guys who will treat them this way and that they shouldn't settle for being treated like crap.

You know those guys who put this whirlwind romance on a woman, and in a short time, convince her they are in love with her, put down payments on cars and houses with both their names on the lease, jewelry for her, etc., fly her to Vegas or S.F. or New York for the weekend, and then when his son happens to need $5,000 or $10,000, and the guy can't wire it to his boy because his own credit cards are all tied up because of some mix-up, the woman loans it to him? And then the guy, or should I say con artist, is gone? The jewelry and clothes he bought her is gone too, and so are the clothes bought for both of them, on her credit card. Anyway, that's me, only, I don't even take anything and I don't do it for the money. I want the love. For me and for them.

.