Zen Flirting Part II

So, I had mentioned to my professional photographer friend, who is single and has a harelip (a cleft palate) and is kind of nerdy, that I talked to a chick walking her dog, the chick in my preceding entry, about photography and it turns out she's studying at the local big pro photography school. I told him to come by at 5:30 or so, and see whether we can catch her. I figured I could introduce them and just have fun seeing what happens. I definitely can't get anything going on with her since she knows where I live. Even if she were up for sex with a married guy and even if she were married herself and fine with it, she couldn't be trusted not to change her mind and come by and cause problems.

For two days at 5:30 we hung out on the curb in front of my house, messing with our photography equipment, hoping she'd come by. Then today we're talking and I look up, and in one of the cars driving by, is her, looking over at me, with her dog in the back seat. Fuck. Now I feel like a royal ass.

~

I made a DVD for my mother-in-law for her birthday. She wanted to be able to watch this one comedy bit on one of the late night talk shows. I found some clips on the internet and burned my first DVD with my new DVD burner.

First off, I waited until the last minute. If I hadn't, I could have made a much cooler menu, and printed out an insert for the plastic case; it would have been totally slick. That sucked. I was cursing myself and my ways the entire time I was making it.

The entire time I was browsing for the little clips I had found, every time I opened a movie file I found, I was worried it'd be an errant porn file. The wife was standing around huffing and puffing and sighing loudly because she's unable to leave the house without getting all agitated, as if it were the end of the world because we didn't leave earlier. It's that way every time she leaves the house. Anyway, each of the various programs you can use to acquire internet porn acts differently and may inadvertently save a file in a local spot. Like, say you use Internet Explorer to look at one particular site and you useRight-Click, then Save As. It may save the file to My Documents. Or it may save them to My Downloads depending on what you did last and so on. Considering I have over 500,000 pictures and movies on my computer (over 400,000 megabytes of files), all it takes is one. One file out of 500,000 is one two-millionth of a percent. That's a very small percentage. All it would take is one file, and instead of a goofy talk show segment, I'd click and it'd be some sort of perverted sex. I've found files floating around before, in plain view, in My Documents and the like. When you discover them a day or two after you downloaded them you think "Oh my God!" because the file was right out in the open. Whew, close call.

Anyway the DVD worked fine but when my mother-in-law went to play it, I was sweating bullets. The entire time it was playing all its little segments one after another, I was imagining a porn clip would suddenly pop up. I sat there realizing that I'd be so mortified that I'd never attend a family function again.

It really sucks. The entire time I'm sleeping, every night, I have nightmares that the wife is downstairs and I haven't properly gone through my hard-drive cleaning process, or have left Yahoo Messenger on (it's what I use to talk to girls), or haven't deleted some cookie enabling access into one of my Harry Tasker alter ego email accounts, and that any second the entire thing is going to come crashing down all around me. When I wake up in the morning and she's not in bed, I freak out, thinking that I'm going to come downstairs and find her gone, find a note explaining how she caught me. My heart is racing every day as I come downstairs, and half the time the house IS empty. She's off somewhere, but I panic, thinking, Is she at Gymboree? Or has she left? I call her and her cell phone is off. Fuck!! I notice the computer screen is dark. I wiggle the mouse to wake it up, praying she won't have my files or a chat dialogue splayed open for me to see, with a typed "I'm leaving you" letter open in Notepad.

~

Anyway this chick signed up for a paying account (like mine) on that BDSM/"alternative lifestyle"/kinky sex personals site I am registered at. She's very good looking, slim, and her profile was incredibly kinky, so right off the bat you think, A) she's fake; a guy getting his jollies or a troll trying to lure you into checking out "her" (his) pay site. Or B) she's bombarded with emails. All girls on those sites tell me they get tons of emails every day, just mass amounts. I had never seen her before so if she's new, she'll get even more email. I figured I didn't stand a chance in hell, especially because she seems, and says she is, so picky. I decided, what the hell, and sent her an email anyway. I tried pretty hard to make it just right, and included a couple pictures that were, I assume, totally different from the ones all the other guys send of themselves and their cocks. Sure enough, when we got home tonight, I checked and she had written back, falling all over herself. Piece of cake. I don't know how the hell I'm going to handle this though. I need to get a job so I can more-easily make up excuses as to where I was, and also I can call her - or my mistress, for that matter - here and there during the day or during the commute home. If you can only talk 8-5 then girls wonder whether you have someone else. If you can't even talk 8-5 they know something is really up.

Anyway the other reason I also need money is, remember that couple hundred thousand I made last year? It's gone, all of it, that quickly. I have no idea where it went. I sure as hell didn't spend it! Thank god I stashed a few grand in another account for backup's sake.

Anyway I don't even really want to see this new chick, or my mistress for that matter, and I only barely want to see the Domme, but what can I do? I'm pulled inexorably into the whirlpool. The same whirlpool you see when the filthy bath water goes down the drain.

~

Anyway at my in-laws' tonight, my mother-in-law's brother came over. He molested my wife when she was 5 until she was about 8, not just sex, but sick, sadistic shit, like she'd lock herself in a closet to escape him and he'd come find her and break the lock and laugh. He also told her "this is your fault and if you tell anyone they won't love you any more," and so on. It really fucked her up. Finally when I came along, she felt confident enough to open up, and she told me about it. I told her to tell her family and so on, and heal. She told her parents and her grandmother - his mother - but they didn't do anything, and made excuses for him, and in fact, they still accept him and speak to him and permit him at family events. Unbelievable. Right after she finally told her family, she wrote him a letter explaining that what he did was wrong and that she was no longer scared of him, and that she realized he was the one who should be ashamed, not her. He started calling us, and hanging up if she didn't answer. If she did answer, he'd tell her nothing happened and it was her imagination, and so on. I told her that if she wanted, I'd make sure he never spoke to her again, but she said no, he's not even worth that. I totally disagree, but it's her choice.

This piece of shit is in his 40's and has never had a job. He lives with his mother, though I can't say "still lives with his mother" because he has moved out before and lived off his wife or his girlfriends. He's had kids by two or three different women at the same time, has been in and out of jail, is a total scammer, and faker, and attention whore, and liar. He tells his family he works for the CIA, or other such bullshit. They know it's all lies, and I'm sure even his children do too.

Speaking of his children, when they were little they used to laugh and be normal. But the past several years, ever since they were 5 or 6 years old, they constantly frown and look depressed and are very edgy and skittish. Something about them screams "sexual abuse." I can't believe my wife hasn't called Child Protective Services on him already but I guess she's too scared. I don't know where the kids live (they live with their moms) or I would do it myself and not tell anyone.

Anyway tonight he showed up at the birthday party for his sister, my mother-in-law. My infant daughter was there. As usual I didn't speak to him or even look at him. All these years my wife has always told me not to make a scene, but this time, I didn't care, and if he wanted to hold he or even just come see my daughter, I was waiting to tell him, "Oh no you don't. Don't even think about starting that shit with me." Being nosy, everyone would ask what I was talking about (after being in their family for 13 years, I know them pretty well). It wouldn't exactly be my place to announce "He molested ______" (my wife), so I would have simply said "He knows what I'm talking about." But he seemed to know better, or maybe he just didn't have a chance to hold the baby when I wasn't around.

Let me state for the record that I am against violence and would never assault another human being. I believe in protecting my daughter by keeping her safe at all times, not by physical violence to him or anyone else. I'm not threatening him here and if anything ever happens to him and I wind up in court, there are a lot of people he owes money to who I'm sure would beat him up or make him disappear, so I hope this journal doesn't seem like it implicates me. That said, the point I want to make is that he will never violate anybody in my family ever again, ever. Ever.

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