Nobody Gets Out Of Here Alive

So, I haven't even really caught up on telling about the Domme, let alone about meeting her. I always do that. I guess it's my natural tendency not to finish things. And to avoid things that are uncomfortable. I guess I'm just lazy.

I've gotten over it before on a case-by-case basis. I've made myself, or been made, to do stuff that was like practically pulling nails trying to get myself to do, and it worked out so much better in the end. Weight off my back, got the job done, even more problems avoided, etc. But man, getting to that point was like, in the cartoons where somebody's pulling on a cat or a rabbit that's hanging on by his fingernails and the entire body is stretching, but no matter what, those white three-fingered hands are not letting go of that windowsill.

It's kind of weird because theoretically I seem like a total wimp about how I can't even listen to my own answering machine or voicemail, or open my mail, answer the phone, etc.... yet when it comes down to it, if it's something terrifying like life or death, or self-examination, or facing the truth, I can stand up to it better than any of these "tough guys." I have seen it so many times, those same guys who bully me, reduced to a quivering, trembling, crumpled mass, in sharp contrast to their cruel goatee and shaved head and earring(s) and tough guy clothes and barbed wire armband tattoo. I'm the person who becomes calm during a high speed, sliding, rolling, out of control, impending car crash. Or that time me and some guys were camping and got attacked by an eagle. I don't scream, I don't panic, I become very logical. My brain suddenly has reason to forget about alllll those other thoughts that are constantly crowding their way into the forefront of my mental workspace. No, at that moment, it's clear I need to think about whatever I can do right now to minimize things. I guess it's just more evidence that I need medication, that whole deal about how if you stimulate people like me with A.D.D., it calms them down, instead of making them hyper.

I'm not scared in situations like that. If I die, I die. Either way, it is what it is. I'm only scared in situations where it might hurt. I know I'll die someday. I'm not afraid of it. Nobody gets out of here alive. I just hope the end is less painful than my life.

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