Another update

Well I'm back at it.



I have this friend; she's an editor at one of the biggest magazines on the planet. She is very intelligent, very witty, very quick, and has surprisingly big boobs for her frame.

She told me "You're kinda on the prowl, aren't you?"

Really? Me? No.

Am I?

Hmmmmm.... well... maybe a little.

Anyway that was a few weeks ago. Here is the current roster:

26 years old - My friend's baby mama. Mexican with a Lara Croft body.
33 year old Half Mexican/Half Filipina *NEW*
25 year old Japanese girl
23 year old Cambodian girl *NEW*
26 year old Half Japanese/Half white girl who models
24 year old Peruvian girl *NEW* (sort of)
24 year old White girl into BDSM

Friend's baby mama: this is the 26 y.o. Mexican girl from South Central. Good lord her breasts are incredible. Last time I saw her I poured baby oil all over them and rubbed them with one hand while she layed on her back playing with herself until I blasted on her tits. HOLY crap they felt INCREDIBLE in my hands. I am definitely doing that again. I hope. I'll explain in a minute.

Cambodian girl: Her parents are from Cambodia but they are Chinese. Anyway, this bitch is CUTE! Hoooly moly. She looks like a prettier version of Keymore Cash! She is fine.



So get this. one year ago (10 months) I saw this gorgeous and delectable creature on a sex personals site. She was so hot I figured there was no way I could get with that. Plus she was in O.C.

A few days ago I see her on a dating site. totally recognize her! So I pull up her old profile on the sex personals site. No anal sex. No S&M. Whaaaa? Borr-rrrinng.
how i sposed to slap a bitch?
choke a bitch?
force a bitch to do shit that she wants me to make her do?
so i have no idea what i'm supposed to do to this bitch.
make sweet sweet love??
kiss and have missionary sex lying straight out on top of her?
or can i at least put her on her bed on her back and i stand next to it and fold her legs back and drill her?
fuck
we'll find out

But that sex profile says she's looking for a boyfriend without the commitment. So at least that's perfect, right?

And now on this new dating site (non-sex personals, just a dating site) i see she has moved closer.

I hit her up, she totally digs me.

We move to text. i spit like two or three funny things and she said "You always know exactly what to say." followed by "are you good at massages? "
so i figured she was goofing around, plus i was at home so i couldn't make a move on that
so i played back.

next day she emails "i need a massage. "
i write "ok, i'll come massage your back if you're good. if you're really good i'll massage your front."
her: "i get off school at 6-7. U wanna massage me later?"
So instead of saying Yes like a chump, i get more assertive: "Sounds good, i'll be over." HAHA
her: "ok, call u later"
WTF
SO EASY
and she's SLUTTY! and horny!
love it!

I stalk her other profiles (myspace, etc.) and gather intel. What I like about young girls (I dunno whether this works on older girls since I haven't been getting a ton of them, but I assume they are wiser) is that you can use psychological tactics on them. For example, when I was talking to her about what she was looking for, she described how she wants to be free, etc., and assumes any guy she's with will have his side action too. So I said "so you're basically looking for like, a boyfriend without the commitment." BAM! instantly her guard was up. Wow! First time anyone ever caught that, especially anyone so young. She is very sharp. She says "Did you read that somewhere or something?" I used reverse psychology at that point and not only instantly talked my way out of it but had her thinking we are on the exact same wavelength.

Anyway she seems pretty cool and is nice and slutty BUT... aside from no S&M or anal, she lives at home. Aiyeeee! How a man sposed to fuck a cambodian or chinese bitch with her ching chong parents in the barren living room with the white rug and statues?
white tiles in the entryway, all silent and shit
:knock knock: on her bedroom door
"(chinese goobbledygook at her door)"
she sighs and huffs and puffs over to her bedroom door, opens it, yells at mom in chinese
closes it
now i'm sposed to get back to ravaging her
Please.
guranteed if her parents are fobbers they'll look at me like the enemy with dead eyes
"you here to fuck my daughtah!"
yessss.... yes. i here to fuck you daughter. you daughter slut.
"SHE NOT SLUT!! SHE STUDENT!!"
she's a slutty whorey student, ma'am. i brought you some twin dragon almond cookies
"Ahhhhh ancient chinese secret!"
yes, ancient chinese secret!
"you good boy. you go in."
ok thank you. oh ma'am do you have any prophylactics?

mannn i PRAY her parents are like M.I.A. or SOME shit. or that she's a grownup!!
i mean acts her age at least
fuckin 23 and acts all rebellious and covered in tattoos, i fuckin hope she's as self-standing-up-for as she likes to come off



half mex/half flip. This chick I met online a few weeks ago. She's very cute, 33, short, and thick. She is SO fun! We laugh all the time. She's easily the funnest (I know that's not a word) chick in memory.

First we talked on the phone for a week. Then she said I could pass by her work last weekend so I did. BUUUuuuuuUUUT....

I fucked up. First I called mexican baby mama and told her I was coming to see her. Then I called this 38 year old chick I met online and said we could get coffee and meet each other. She was real cool, into most of the same shit I am, cute, white, but 5'10". Whoa. Too tall for me these days. I used to be 5'8" and 5/8ths of an inch. But I shrank!! Now I'm 5'7" and a half or some shit with no shoes on!

Anyway so then I called half mex/half flip and she said I could pass by and say hi at her job. She works at one of those private indoor playgrounds for kids that you can rent out for parties and stuff.

I figured, I would pass by her work, then go fuck baby mama, then grab coffee with 38 year old on the way back.

On the way to half mex/half flip's work, I call the Chinese girl. Spend 1 hour bullshitting outside a grocery store. I pick up a couple treats for 1/2 mex 1/2 flip: two chicken strips in case she wants to nibble, and a pretty but small dessert cake thing.

I go visit her. She's cute!! Wow. Short, with a mop of curly black hair, like a little tan Betty Boop. Big tits, nice round ass, kinda chunky in a super nice way. God damn.

She's got a lot of tattoos, it looks really spicy. I give her the food treats. I think it's a hit. You know, old fashioned guys weren't so dumb. They would bring candy and flowers to girls. You know what? They were not so dumb at all! That is pretty frickin smart. Girls love that shit. It shows you went out of your way, shows you care, and they love sweets and pretty things. I am definitely going to bring treats way more often.

She asks whether I have to go. "No, I'd love to hang out but I figured you have to work." "No, it's ok. We're slow" Sure I can. I hang out til like 6:30. Then she asks again whether I need to go. "no, I don't, but I figured you were going out." So I we go to dinner. The whole evening - dinner, beforehand, everything - really every time I talk to her - I am totally funny! Unbelievable. It's like I'm in top form around here.

One of the things we talk about is dating and she says, "you don't know what the other person is doing when you're not together so how I look at it is, those times when you're together, you're together, and when you're apart that's your business."

By the time dinner's over it's like 10:30 PM and my wife and my baby mama and the 38 year old white chick are all pissed at me and texting up a storm. Fuck. This may be it, my life may be self destructing.

I drive her back to her work and for the third time she asks whether I need to go. I say no and she invites me in. We go down the slides, play in the ball pit, and fire up jolly jump.

Inside the jolly jump we lay down and talk. Then she moves closer. Kisses me. I was happy but also disappointed she cut in front of me and didn't let me make the first move.

We make out and it's good! She talks a little too much and it's annoying, like she's not into it. I like it when a girl is into it so much that she can't talk so much. I love talking, but, I want girls to be so turned on they are lost in it.

Anyway she totally strips naked. Hel-lo! She's totally comfortable and it's great! I have never been with a girl who didn't have a fitness model body but still was this comfortable and confident. Man she looks really nice too. She mentions how her boobs used to be an F but now that she lost 20 lbs they're double-D's. Fine by me! Haha

She also has a really soft body, and a nice round ass. She talks a LOT. She asks what I'm into. I ask her what she's into. "I like giving head, I love getting fucked doggy style while I play with my clit, I like anal sex sometimes... um, what about you?" Sounds good to me! Shit.

So once again the DOWN side is, she has her own place but in a week is moving back in with her parents to take care of one of them who is sick. Dammit! Just when I thought I found a perfect one.

So, 38 year old white chick sends me a NASTY text message. Followed by a nastier email the next day. I write back and apologize sincerely and she says thank you for the apology.

Baby mama hasn't contacted me since. DOH!!
I need to save that relationship. Stay tuned.

I talked my way out of it with my wife but jesus. I need to chill. She recognizes patterns. She totally suspects something.

I'll write more about the 25 year old white girl into BDSM, and the Peruvian girl, later. And the Japanese girl.

reeling

i'm typing in crappy 4-bit color mode with my screen set 640x480; it looks like a 1979 version of a PC. the screen is 640x480 res, so it's like looking at your cell phone on a 17" screen.

i was screwing off instead of going to work, went to watch a video, and my ialmrnt5.dll driver crashed. i'm in the middle of some downloads so now i can't restart my computer until they're done. one is the lovely Renae Cruz and the other few are from a pay site i found a hacked password for. ching!!

but sitting here in this hell reminds me of how fucked up things are. who the fuck screws off every day for 4 hours instead of going to work? who has a half-assed computer instead of a mighty and stable PC with a 1-terabyte drive and a giant screen?

notice i didn't say Apple, because, fuck Apple and fuck Apple people.

let's see, what else.

the other day i went to see the japanese chick. MAN is she cute. She's easily one of the cutest girls i've ever been with. i'm impressed with myself for pulling her. especially when i see myself in the mirror most days. google the words FAT RUSSELL CROWE and i look like most of those photos: good, but not so good.






she's a tricky one to wrangle. very smart, very moody, and very head-case-ian. That should be a crazy Armenian girl's name, Headcaseian. HA!

She lives in Santa Monica in a little townhouse cluster, you know the kind of apartment building where it's like a beehive of connected townhouses? She lives with her 21-year old sister and her sister's boyfriend's best friend. He's cool, some big chunky tall mop-headed jew.

holy shit this bitch takes for EVER to do anything sometimes. It took me like an hour to get her to just change clothes and get out of the house, she is constantly ADD and lagging. Fuck that gets annoying.

We go eat, I pay, I'm feeling like Man, the other day I dumped $50 into her and her sister to go eat, probably around $100 in food alone down this bitch yet it's a huge pain in the ass and a time waster dealing with her. WHY am I not using hookers?

yes, yes, calm down, I would never. First off I could never. They HAVE to be into it or how could I even get turned on? Second, hellow?? STD's??? Third off I would kill myself.

We go back to her house, blah blah, I started kissing her, she got horny and moaned and panted but pushed me away. Now THAT pissed me off. So I started mauling her, which she was into but she kept fighting me. Oh HEEEERE we go with THIS shit, huh??

Now, for a 25-year-old 5'2" petite little Japanese girl this chick has VERY big tits, like C-cups? They look awesome. I reach in the v-neck of her shirt and start playing with her nipples. She moans and pants but tries to push me away. SHAADDDUPPPPP

I remembered how this kinda rad chick (what is my name for her? I need to look back in my blog here and link to her) I met on a bondage personals website in 2004, told me the other week that she likes to flick girls' nipples and watch them get hard. So I flick this Japanese girl's nipples and she likes it. kinda fun.

I do a takedown onto the carpet in the living room with her roommate guy upstairs. She fights me and is more and more turned on as we make out. She's moaning yet telling ME to be quiet and to knock it off. PLEASE!!

Oh by the way, a tip for all you guys and lesbos and bi girls: ALL girls love being kissed on the neck.

Her shirt has a V-neck so I straddle her and with one hand I pin her hands over her head, stretch the V-neck open and pull each of her tits out of her bra and expose them in the V. She pushes me away and starts complaining-POW!! I slap her face and she stops and is silent.

I kept mauling her tits, then took my hand away from holding her wrists above her head. She pulls her arms away and POW!! I slap her again and put her arms back over her head. She tries to move away one more time and I slap her again and tell her not to move.

I grab my phone, but Fuck! the keyboard lock!! I'm spinning it all around in one hand trying to hit the keys in the right order to unlock it. Note to anyone with a brain: never have your phone NOT on lock mode when you are not using it, or risk accidentally calling someone and having them hear what you are talking about.

Anyway I fire up the camera but it doesn't have enough memory available to run, so now i have to kill all the open applications. how annoying.

The whole time she doesn't move. nice!! I like submission.

Finally I get it fired up and start taking pictures of her on her back on the carpet with her hands above her hand and her tits exposed. She doesn't even move or protest. Nice!! Most girls love to be praised, especially in bed where they feel insecure and have issues, so I tell her, "Good girl." I find this works really well for me, especially on girls with daddy issues.

Side note, i LOVE younger girls with daddy issues. Can Not Get Enough!
First off I'm almost 39, so I am definitely older. But i look around 30, so I believe the girls don't feel too scandalous being with me, but I still fulfill their need for an older guy.

PLUS, the great thing about younger girls is, you know how if you could go back to high school you would just totally have it wired because of everything you've learned now? Now I see just how much I could have and should have gotten away with in my 20's.

And as another side note, you really can get away with a lot. You can be a crazy lunatic and people eat it up. Especially the worthwhile ones.

And the young ones especially, have never seen anybody act as wild, because possibly most of they have dealt with are chumps around their age.

Since the photos looked like shit so I am going to bring a better camera next time; it will have to be a film camera because my little pocket digital is broken. Fucking Sony with their shitty-ass screens. I found a recall on them but it was like a giant clusterfuck trying to figure out all their rigamarole. FUCK Sony.

In addition to photos I have a couple other little updates cued up for you guys. Just need to upload some pics and whatnot.

Stay cool,
me

chick update:

I wrote this a couple months ago. I'll have a current update shortly, but this will catch you up.

- 26 year old half japanese bisexual model. very smart, unbelievably cute, very kinky, very horny. single mom to two kids. this one is fun but annoying. first the fun part:

she loves anal sex. she would have anal sex every day if she could. What??

and loves getting a cock forced down her throat. hel-lo! just my type.

she also loves getting choked until she passes out. gracious. i don't need to see a girl pass out but this chick is as hardcore as they get.

but. she is too eager. i get annoyed by girls who try so hard to let me know they're available that they throw themselves at me. i like being the aggressor, not only in intimate situations but also leading up to them. girls who ask me out nonstop just bug the piss out of me. play hard to get. make me hope i can get you. do not show me you like me - i will lose respect for you because i barely like myself. make me fairly sure you like me but leave me not knowing for certain.




speaking of which, here's a new one. you guys are going to love this. it's totally me:

- 24 year old white girl into BDSM. i found her on a dating site. a little goth-ish, has a guy, blah blah. we start chit-chatting about photography and i play it TOTALLY chill. we are just friends. then she says we should get together over coffee so i can show her some shit about an old camera she has. i totally know what's up. and i'm betting she's going to dump the boyfriend. she seems familiar. in the back of my head i halfway wonder...

She also goes to the same club as the arab chick I mentioned. Small world.

anyway as informed readers know, i am a ninja information gatherer second to none. i dig around online. find her two blogs and her myspace. BAM. now I know for sure:

i talked to this chick FOUR or FIVE years ago, on a bondage/sex personals site when she was 19. Yes!!

She deleted her profile on that site years ago, but I saved it. How ya like me now?! Now I can look into what she wrote and what she was looking for, and use it to ensnare her more, if i want.

At the time she didn't do a thing for me, no spark there at all. Anyway I wouldn't put any photos in my profile back then nor send her any photos because I was paranoid about my wife finding out. Nowadays I'm more lax; I found ways around stuff and I minimize risk. You kinda cannot function at all without pics.

Anyway, when we first talked years ago she cut me off because I wasn't forthcoming with photos and I didn't really miss her. But now it's round 2.

However: Before I figured out it was her, I had realized sex is easy to come by especially in this day and age (maybe it always was and I just lacked the self confidence to put a move down back then), PLUS i have so little time away from work and home, PLUS i would rather be with my kid than some chick I really don't even like or feel attracted to. even if i can do fucked up shit to her and have her enjoy it. ALSO, i am getting more and more scared of herpes and STD's, so that keeps my actual sex on the side to a MINIMUM.

anyway sure enough, she and the boyfriend break up. in her blog that her friends read, she writes that he dumped her. in her emails to me she writes that she dumped him.

anyway she asks me to coffee the other week and starts pressing me. fucking chill, would you? i get her digits and she starts texting me to hang out every night. Lord. anyway i may slap her around a little (calm down, people. she is looking for that) and mess around but who knows.


- 25 year old japanese girl. party animal, lives at home, doesn't drive. cute face, horny, free spirited but not sure exactly how kinky. Fairly kinky. up for anything. dying to have me and one of my friends double penetrate her. hell-lloooo! she says she masturbates to DP porn and wishes she could accomodate a cock in her ass better. ya don't say. Tell ya what:


i'm willing to give it a try.


Anyway i was on the cell with her, and without her knowing it, drove to her apartment. she told me "hang on," and answered the door.

as soon as the door opened i attacked her, bodyslammed her, pinned her down, slapped her around, and forced her to kiss me. she does this annoying thing when i'm kissing her while holding her head (so she can't turn away), which is to tuck her chin down. now i'm making out with her nose. what the fuck, people.

Anyway i shoved my fingers inside her. D R I P P I N G wet.

she pushes me away then lures me back in. she's annoying. also i know she is cold hearted and that has me torn between chasing her, using her for sex, and walking away completely.

Anyway, I slap her face, her tits, and her ass. I chomp on her little tan buns and eat her out. Eventually I'm covered in sweat and we stop. ANYway....

- 23 year old EX BEST FRIEND OF THE 22 YEAR OLD FROM 2006!! WTF?! She is very raw and crude and awesome and is way mature for her age. It's weird. I really like her as a person. We probably won't have sex. THIS fucking bitch. once again, small world. i met her on another dating site and recognized her. anyway i blew it. oh well.

- 23 year old immature whiny white-ish girl. smart, chubby, cute, but way too desperate. She sent me her number right away and asked "will you really text me?" fuck!! this girl, i keep thinking she might be a little animal in bed but then again i suspect not. she is such a zero to me that i can't even remember to call her.

- I helped a Mexican chick yesterday with a broken down car; her front teeth were not very long and that bugged the shit out of me, sort of the opposite of Bugs Bunny. She also had a massive spare tire around the waist. But she has a cute face and a pierced tongue which I imagined blasting on. So i got her number and she's been texting me. man, this one tapered off, thank god. she was not attractive at all. i probably couldn't even get a hardon no matter what with this one. and i'd feel bad using her just for sex.

- 42 year old half filipina I met off craigslist. Cute, slim, smart, art lover, but way too high strung for me. kinda on-again, off-again with this one. it went from her needing tons of attention every day to zero to about a 7 now. hopefully i can chill it down to a 4.

when she needed attention every day i eventually came over to her house, hung out for a long-ass time, then finally made out with her and went down on her. she was really into it, but i just couldn't wait to get the fuck home to my kid the entire time. i was like looking at the clock watching time get pissed away.

after, she was like "wow, talk about rushing into it, hee hee!" uh what?? she basically said that it was fun and kinda wild that i basically came right over and jumped her bones. HELLO!!! EARTH TO PERSON NOT GETTING IT!!! I was over for HOURS, *plus* we slid into it. Coming over and attacking you means you open the door, I grab you and slam you against the wall and make out with your face, rip your clothes off, pin you to the ground, and do whatever i want to you. Unbelievable, this chick thinking THAT was fast.

- 25 year old arabic chick I met on a sex personals site. Heavyset, cute, very crude, very brash, but pretty straight out. Heavily pierced, heavily tatttoed, into a whole gothic kinda look. this one is cool but i am absolutely 100% not at all attracted to her. she's cool and we're good friends now but totally into me. poor girl. she's nice but come on. not me. don't be that into ME.

- 20 year old mexican chick. Now this is another one you guys will love. I met this chick two years ago at a club. gorgeous face, no lie. i put a photo of her up online and it gets tons of hits and tons of comments.

anyway, she is short and has smallish tits and a big torso and butt. i like big butts and i cannot lie, but, i want a waist smaller than your ass. that's just me. not talking shit on the fat chicks, i have love for all of you, but i am talking about where my own personal tastes lie.

anyway she looked, i dunno, what, 27? turns out she was 17 or 18 in this bar every sunday and monday night, drinking!! HELL-LOOOOO!! and covered with tattoos!!

[2006] Back in '06 i got her number and joked around, "Your boyfriend isn't going to mind?" she says "no, we're on a break." perfect, right? i joke around more and challenge her that she's giving me a fake number and either she keys hers into my phone or mine into hers, i can't remember. anyway right afterward this young mexican guy who was hovering by my elbow the entire time steps in and starts grilling her with questions looking all weak. Whaatt?? wack.

anyway i ask if that's her b.f. and she says yes! scandalous.

i walk her outside and boyfriend is playing puppy dog and trying to talk to her. i realized what a man i was in comparison to him the boy, me standing up straight, talking in a confident voice, not tagging along murmuring little blackmails and politics to try to keep his g.f.

anyway she and i start texting and calling back and forth a bit. she's a little smart but dumb overall. plus young. anyway clearly she's not cleanly broken up with this goof and it becomes clear he has another real girlfriend.

i ask about her dad and of course he cheated on her mom too. the guy's barely older than i am i think!! haha holy shit!!

anyway that all has me thinking that her pattern is to find cheaters. that's fucked up. i pray to god i can mold my brain into being a noncheater when i'm around my kid so she can magnetize to guys who aren't cheaters. but i doubt i can. how horrible.

anyway i met this DJ from Rio de Janeiro online, turns out he's visiting LA right now [2006]. i pick him up to roll to this brazilian club night and i get her to come.

i scam us all in for free like i always do to every event - i pretty much rule at that - yet another awesome thing about me i need to remind myself of, whenever i'm downing myself - and i try to hold her hand walking in but she is weird about it. she's kind of annoying. i like it when she's into me but not when i'm like "do you even want to be here?"

anyway i meet Evil E and my man is drunk. i get his digits and we consider going to this other party he invites us to, but i end up driving the DJ home on the westside and then taking that chick all the way back to LA to her car, then driving back west home again.

along the way we see the titty bars on Sunset Blvd like Crazy Girls and so on. She says she's never been to one and always wanted to go. Always?! You're barely 18!!! HEY-OOOOO!!

anyway i try to hang out with her again, drive all the fuck the way out to her house, i'm out side and she says she'll call me back in 15 and then flakes and leaves me hanging. NOT cool. Fuck this chick.

she keeps texting and calling back and forth so i try to kick it once more, she says she's in her car with her girlfriends and they are drinking in a gas station parking lot.
Pounding beers. In a car. At a gas station.
how low class is that? i'm over it. Done.

[2008] So earlier this year i see her online on messenger. BAM i hit her up. (now she's 20 years old, so all you people who think i'm a cradlerobber, calm down. )
She says she had a kid with that guy. shocker. who didn't see this coming?

anyway, i note her kid's bday and name down. months later (recently) when i see her online again, i ask how he is and A) she's broken up with her boyfriend (who didn't see this coming?) and B) I say "didn't (her kid's name) just have his first birthday a few days ago?" BAM she eats it up. chicks LOVE it when you remember dates. ladies, am i right or wrong?

anyway spreading my newer and newer wings, or should i say, spreading my wings more and more, i realize i can get WAY suggestive - beyond suggestive; i know now that i can say shit flat out - and stuff. so i pay her some compliments and start to joke around about grabbing her ass. she says she prefers spankings. oh it is ON.

so i push it more and get pretty blatant. she opens up and tells me how she likes having her hair pulled a certain way, and likes when a guy holds her hands over her head and has his way with her. Roger that, moving in for the kill. LOL.

Ok anyway i gotta get to work. talk to you guys later. thanks for reading.

No Life Like My Life (and I mean it)

first off i want to thank all my friends and fans and all the readers who have supported me from the day they began reading. you guys are great and you are the reason i keep going. well, not only that - this is fun and kinda therapeutic too. but i always wanted to say some cheesy shit like people always do during dedications.

been staying busy keeping my head above water. i seem to have another six figure mostly kick-back job lined up. thank god because scraping by at $16.00/hr just doesn't cut it. if i believed in god i would think it was some divine bullshit that i found this gig but smart readers know the reality is that people tend to operate in repeating patterns. just like the girls who find guys who beat them or cheat them, the things i do lead me to jobs i can work at for a couple years and milk it.

do i want to be this way? no. am i working on it? yes.

i'm going to drop a series of updates soon on each of the girls on my plate right now. but for now just a little ditty to warm up. show tunes. make it happen.

the other day my wife and kid and i went bowling. i like bowling alleys because there are always hot girls around. sure enough, right next to us was a couple, the girl was early 20's, very skinny, super tight jeans. i'm not a big fan of the skinny girls only because they almost never have any ass and usually have no tits. i'm ok with no tits - i love everything from double D's (not anything larger) on down to lil sub-A-cup fried egg titties. seriously, a girl could be flat as a board and I would happily hit it sideways. but no ass? eeek. that is a fucking wood killer for me.

the good news for assless people is, if you have no ass and you're skinny, put on some pounds. yum. or you can work out. a juicy ass is good, and a muscular ass is good. there is no bad ass as long as it exists. the only bad ass is a flat ass.

speaking of lil fried egg titties, Eva Lux (rest in peace) is a great example.



that is like jello on a spoon. you have no idea. i would slap that shit. oh wait, kym wylde already did, haw haw!!



so this skinny bitch is next to us and i could barely take my eyes off her. she was hot, but maybe only because she was the only thing around.

i'm wearing one of my ivy caps, vintage shirt, i'm looking ok. the guy and the girl next to us are throwing a fair amount of strikes and spares. this bitch could probably out-throw me, and then she'd really have no respect for me if her boyfriend was doing better. that sucks because i haven't bowled in ages and i never really bowled a lot. probably less than 20 games in my life.

i grab a ball, approach without hesitation, BOOM! strike. just fucked that shit up. i turn around and walk back with my eyebrows raised just a tenth of an inch, casual as can be. both of them were looking at me like Damn, this dude packin heat. that's right, bitch!

Throw another strike, then i fuck up and for accidentally looked down (??) as i rolled. Cleaned it up for a spare, but still.

a mexican family comes in, the two daughters are probably seniors in high school or 19 or 20 or some shit, but hot as hell. one of them, the way her body's made, when she walks she switches her hips like a goddamn model or a stripper or something. good lord. a guy could be raised by wolves, crawling around on all fours not speaking a word of any language, and she could seduce him with her ass.
i would fucking jump on that shit.

when we left i held my head up high like i had bowled a 300, just throwing vibe. the girl at the snack counter looked at me and smiled; clearly she liked me. i smiled back and she looked down, still smiling, then looked up at me again as i walked by. i looked at her and smiled again and she blushed. remind me to come back and slap that shit.

wait, my wife's cousin's boyfriend works there, scratch that.

medicaid

it was weird, i was talking to a friend of mine the other night who has been clean of narcotics for like 5 years now or something. in the past she used to hook up with this sexual sadist guy who would really beat the shit out of her - black eye, busted lip, etc. She was into it, but not how he treated her.

He was a sadist in just about every way - emotional , mental, and physical - but she has a fear of rejection so when he would get off or be done using her, she would try to engage him in conversation and then he would tell her to leave. He would literally call her and say only "Come over." She'd come over, he'd beat her and fuck around with her, then she'd leave.

When she'd start trying to talk to him online, he'd ignore her or block her. Then when he'd want to use her again he'd hit her up (pardon the pun) and she'd come over again. It was a bad cycle. It was really a bummer to hear about him being a dick to her.

For the past two years they hadn't gotten together at all. They talked briefly recently and he had been "clean" of S&M and drugs for like a year and had gotten his pin.

It hit me that I had blown whatever I had going for me regarding my imaginary pin for not fucking around.

For a good while I've been boning my friend's baby's mama. It has its fun moments and I enjoy her body, but it comes at a price. Whenever I'm there, I think to myself how I could be at home playing with my kid. Nothing makes me happier than making my daughter happy. And she is going to grow up so quickly so I have a very narrow window.

I notice I fuck up, or fuck up more, when I am under stress. It's my way of medicating and escaping. Not cool.

I was clean for a long time, but I've gone a little crazy with picking up girls. I registered on a free dating site and picked up some fun ones:

- 26 year old half japanese bisexual girl. very smart, very cute, very kinky, very horny. single mom to two kids.

- 25 year old japanese girl. party animal, lives at home, doesn't drive. cute face, horny, free spirited but not sure exactly how kinky.

- 23 year old EX BEST FRIEND OF THE 22 YEAR OLD!! WTF?! She is very raw and crude and awesome and is way mature for her age. It's weird. I really like her as a person. We probably won't have sex.

- 23 year old immature whiny white-ish girl. smart, chubby, cute, but way too desperate. She sent me her number right away and asked "will you really text me?" fuck!!

- I helped a Mexican chick yesterday with a broken down car; her front teeth were not very long and that bugged the shit out of me, sort of the opposite of Bugs Bunny. She also had a massive spare tire around the waist. But she has a cute face and a pierced tongue which I imagined blasting on. So i got her number and she's been texting me.

- 42 year old half filipina I met off craigslist. Cute, slim, smart, art lover, but way too high strung for me.

- 25 year old arabic chick I met on a sex personals site. Heavyset, cute, very crude, very brash, but pretty straight out. Heavily pierced, heavily tatttoed, into a whole gothic kinda look.

Juggling all these girls even just as friends is kind of annoying. And I don't like the idea that I have to taper off talking to them; it would be nice to push a button and not have to text or call or email or hang out with them any more. It feels like a ball and chain.

Also I feel like there's a fuse lit. If I don't fuck them, they'll get pissed. I guess I wouldn't like that, but then again it would get rid of them.

And I am not going to fuck them. I am so not into it.

But I am loving meeting new people, dressing nice, being attractive, and being out in the world for tiny snatches, an hour here or there.

I also am realizing that as much as my wife and I are not a match and incompatible, she is a better person for me than any of these ones. So now I'm hoping I don't get caught again.

sundew

It's curious, isn't it? How people turn into themselves.

You meet someone and they show their shiniest facet, their most alluring charms and behaviors
in order to lure you in

But once they get you in, they get to unfurl all their stuff
and see whether you stick around -
it was their mission all along.

Some-things.

Some things there's no going back from.

be my woman tonight

It's not the standard free bird situation
but you're talking to these pieces of a man that's trying to make it
through the puzzles
travels
struggles
battles
the body pillow pimp tryin to snuggle with my shadow

We could stay proper
keep the clothes on
no pressure
just hold me and pretend like you've known me forever
won'tcha

booty call

In November I put up a pretty awesomely raw post on craigslist looking for someone for crazy sex. I got two responses.

The first was from a guy who wrote, "nice ad...let me know how it works....."

I thought he was being sarcastic so I did my black belt cyberstalking and found his real name, his job, and other tracks on the web. Thank you, thank you.

He was some 50-ish white guy white grey hair, handsome, tall, divorced, a beautiful 20-something daughter, etc.

I wrote him back,

I don't need any of your lip, Glenn. My ads work great for me. I met my last girlfriend on a sex personals site and went out for a year and a half. If you don't like how I am, keep it to yourself. If you ARE into kinky sex and weren't being sarcastic, I apologize. However, don't waste your time trying to copy my style, because these girls will see right through it. You gotta be yourself through and through for it to work.

Shrug.

He wrote back, "you idiot....it was a fucking compliment......amazing....."

I responded,

Chill out. Inflection doesn't come across on the 'net. It could have been read
either way, and I did apologize if I misread it, so chill the fuck out.

Thank you though. Appreciated. It's hard being a deviant.

I only got one response from a girl. She wrote me with an email address that seemed to be a real name:

I like - no, I LOVE, NEED, CRAVE, DESIRE having my tits slapped, face fucked, hair pulled (correctly), ass spanked hard, being made to do unspeakable (as in unspeakably hot) things, and being called dirty names.(They tell me) I am exceptionally pretty with a hot (though very short) body, I am extremely intelligent, exceedingly social, and can function perfectly in public or social settings without the need to let me "bedroom submissive" come out. Actually I prefer that.

Make me into your little slut.

I cyberstalked her. It was her real email address, and her real name. Hm. and she lived in a really ritzy area. HMM? Wtf?


We emailed back and forth over like a week. She sent me some photos. She had nice big tits and a decent body. The EXIF data on the photos indicated a few months prior. I figured she had fattened up quite a bit since then. Her nose was a bit off; a bit on the large side and a bit unsymmetrical but overall she looked surprisingly cute.

I met her. I looked really good. In the right t-shirt and jeans I look about 28 and pretty decent, I must say. I was stoked.

She was skinnier than her photos. When's the last time that happened? She was very slim and seemed to have decent sized tits. However, she looked older than the 28 she claimed to be. Maybe 30, 36, who knows.

We walked to the liquor store where she bought some alcohol. She asked what I was drinking. I have no fuckin' idea, I don't drink. I played it off and said I ain't drinking. "Oh, do they test you at work?" "Yeah." Sheeit.

I didn't pay, like I would have for a girlfriend or mistress. At the counter she didn't realize she had her license held sticking out at an angle between two fingers and I stared at it trying to read her DOB. She saw me and looked at it, then turned it. In order to play it off, I kept staring in that direction as if I had been zoning out. She asked me a question and I said "Huh?" and pretended to snap out of my reverie. She fell for it.


We went back to her place and she made herself a mixed drink, and tried to get me to drink something. She was a complete motormouth. She rambled on at a sprint as if she were drunk or something. "You know when we were kidding around and I said I was a total spaz and then said I was kidding? I was lying. I have Tourette's."

I wanted to fuck around with her so I said "Oh, really? Hm, you seem completely normal."

She said she was on her medication. HMMMMmmmm.

The Tourette's manifested itself by making her a germophobe, which made me think perhaps she hadn't been meeting tons of strangers for online sex so might not be crudded up with diseases.

But she continued her motormouth talk literally NON STOP like an auctioneer almost. There were two things that could shut her up. One was when she was sucking on a pipe, and she explained, and demonstrated, that she could smoke endless amounts of pot and never get fully stoned. She smoked a huge amount of it and it had NO apparent effect on her whatsoever. It was amazing.

I grabbed her hair and started making out with her. First off, I hate alcohol breath. Second, I hate smoker breath. You nasty pigs, please don't smoke or be a drunken ho-bag. Fuck, it's nasty.

Anyway she kept pausing like "Ok give me a minute, give me a minute." I started to think she was all talk. She seemed to get too hyper and needed to calm down.

She also told me she was on her period. HO lee SHIAT! Fucking hell.

I stripped her naked and pushed her to her knees. She tried to pull my cock out but I wasn't having any of that. I wasn't sure what I was going to do to her; I was scared of STD's so I didn't want to fuck her, but I wanted to slap her around and do SOMEthing to her, I dunno.

She wanted to go into the bedroom so we did. She had one of those puffy beds. I could see into her roommate's room (who was not home) and it depressed me in that sort of sequins/jazz dance/Nagel way.

She told me a couple things I can't recall, like things she didn't do in bed, and "I could never imagine anything in my ass." Great. The only thing that could shut her up was to shove my cock in her mouth, but I was still scared of STD's so I made her suck my balls while I alternately jerked off and clubbed her face with my hard-on.

When I got off it was literally - and I say this with a great deal of gravity - The Single Least Unfulfilling Orgasm Of My Life.

You gotta figure, say a normal guy gets off once a day or every other day in the shower; after 24 years that's 5000 or so. Me, I've had a lot of orgasms - somewhere around 400,000 or more.

So for me to say this was THE most boring orgasm ever, is not something I take lightly. But as soon as I came I felt like, "That was it??"

It was probably a good thing. It probably kept me from getting addicted to A Nonny Mouse, anonymous sex with strangers.

As soon as I blasted her I said in my mind, "This one's for you!" to my dead uncle. Then I napped for a couple hours, slid out without waking her, and drove home.

I Have A Dream -The Dream

I wrote this over three years ago. God damn. Time fucking flies, especially when you get old.

The Dream

3/02/2005 5:56AM



Anyway, now that I've spent hours reminiscing and typing this, I've forgotten the dream. Damn. What I do remember is, we were on a trip, or at sort of a camp, for grownups. She and I were "together," not as a pure couple, but more as a fling. We were together, but we weren't. We had so much fun together, the star of this movie and I. We ended up in bed, just sleeping. No sex, no bondage, no erection, not her servicing me, no need to re-prove myself, just sleeping together. I felt so goddamn good, I felt better than I had in... years? I was in heaven. I wanted to wrap around her, so I reached out, and felt- my daughter.

What the fuck? I opened one eye: my infant daughter was laying between my wife and I, on my bed, in my house, not the bed I was in with J. Dammit!! I was awake, the dream was gone, and so was J. Oh my god I can't believe how sad I was. I still feel that way almost at the end of the day today. Most of the dream has faded, but even so, I feel as though I've lost a very close friend. I miss her smiling face, I miss her friendship. It felt good putting that sunshiny smile on her face.

Am I codependant? I need to have her be happy, need to have her be smiling because of me? Or do I still love her? Or do I just miss my friend?

Baby Part II

Sitting in my buddy's baby's momma's apartment on her "bed" (mattress in the corner) (with sheets, though, I mean it's not a flophouse) I didn't want to come right out with "OK, TAKE THE GODDAMN TEST!" but she took HOURS to get around to it.

I wanted to play it off like I was coming to see her anyway but the fact is that if she weren't possibly pregnant I would have gone straight home to be with my daughter.

Call me crazy but I figured if she's already pregnant she can't get more pregnant, and if she's not, the Depo shot is working and she won't get pregnant. So I fucked her yet another time with no condom. Yes, I am insane.

~

It was kind of annoying, having sex with her. I had whacked off like once earlier and three times the day before in an effort to NOT go see her, so I wasn't really that turned on. I fucked her doggy style and I would tell her to go slow or not to move (so I could take control and bring things to a boil) but she kind of does this thing where she bucks her hips back and forth and whines "Oh yeah." I say "does this thing" because it seems very contrived. Anyway it's annoying when a girl doesn't do what I say in bed. I'm callin' the fuckin' shots here.

Sure enough, afterward we laid around hugging each other and I stroked her beautiful, long, thick, shiny black hair, and she mentioned how she's a bad lover and she doesn't know what she's supposed to do. "You're not supposed to do anything other than enjoy yourself."

She had to pee, and as she walked to the bathroom I pretended to just then remember the pregnancy test, and casually reminded her of it.

I woke up and it had been I don't know how long. She was still in the bathroom. Holy fuck!!

comes around goes around

My ex-mexican mistress - mexican ex-mistress, whatever - has been popping up a bit lately.

i don't know how much I've explained, but she now has two babies by two different daddies. When I consider just how many times I've fucked her condomless I feel as though I took a step forward and then a semi drove through right where I had been standing a moment earlier. I came THIS CLOSE...

She calls me here and there when she needs something, but tries to create this dynamic where it's as if I'm stalking her or interested in her, so she can push me away. She'll call from a private number, or when I ask "What are you up to?" or "So where you workin now?" she'll ask "Why?" Even more annoying, she'll tell me a story and mention some guy's name or other. I won't understand whether the guy is her cousin or friend or boyfriend or what, so I ask who that person is and she'll respond "Why? It's none of your business." Fuck you, you started talking about some random guy who showed up! How am I supposed to even understand the story?!

I blow it off, I mean come on. Anyway she called me up outta the blue and suggested we go to "our restaurant." I instantly said "Ok, I'll leave now and it'll take me an hour and fifteen minutes to get there," then hated myself for reacting like that.

When I met her she looked older. More haggard. The one line at each side of her mouth had turned into hard lines. Her meat looked flabbier, less full of rubbery vibrancy. She was wearing velvet black pants and a matching zip-up top; she used to have a nice round bubbly ass; now it looked more like old lady ass. Even her hair seemed stringier. And she seemed harsher.

It had only been... holy crap, two years! Since I'd seen her. Wow. Two years. The last time had been a single similar meet-up. And it had been a year before the previous one, when our relationship had wound down.

Anyway life seemed to have taken a toll on her. I felt sorry for her even though she's bitchy and annoying in some ways. And selfish and inconsiderate.

We went to lunch and talked about life. She barely joked around any more. I missed the old fun times but I wondered just how much of the time they were really fun.

She didn't say "thank you" when I paid.

Driving away in my new car I weighed the experience. I didn't regret coming but I missed my kid. My time with my kid is more valuable than driving over an hour away for THIS rude person - especially to pay to feed her. Fuck that. I coulda spent that time and that little amount of money on my kid and made her happier. When my kid is grown and I miss her and wish she were little again, I may wish I never wasted even that one afternoon on my ex-mistress. Even though it will hurt and she'll be really shitty to me, next time she calls me, I gotta turn her down.

That will be a rare experience for me, turning a girl down. I've rarrrely done it. The funny thing is, when I think back to the few times in my life that I've done it, I see that instantly the girls sense that you're "over it" and they flipflop and act sweet, to lure you back in.

This girl won't be that way but I don't care.

Baby part I.

My current mexican mistress - my buddy's baby momma - texted me the other day.

M late. my period was sposed 2 come on the 8th

3 days late. She had taken the morning-after shot the last time (of the many times now) I fucked her condomless, and the uh.... the 3-month birth control shot too. But I felt woozy and my heart began to race. Is it ever late normally? Without the shot?

No.

Well then take a test! Go buy one, I'll pay, or are they free at the clinic?

yes smarty pants. M going to Rite Aid.

ok i'll come down at 5

I work another hour while sweating, then call her. She says she's just geting home. "From Rite Aid?" "No, I haven't gone yet." WHAT!! "Oh, ok. Do you want me to pick up a test on my way?" "No, I'm just gonna get one from the 99 Cent Store." "What!! I'll get a name brand one." She gave me a little guff as if I were snobby, but jesus christ!

I had to look up the drug store's location on my car's GPS without actually entering it as a destination, to prevent my wife from noticing me "Hey, he visited a drug store in downtown LA, hours before he came home that night. What took him so long? What was he getting? Condoms?"

As I pulled up to the drugstore I realized it was the same one I used to frequent four years ago for condoms with my mexican ex-mistress. They used to end up getting removed when I'd be fucking her and she'd say "I doan like thay con-dome." Jesus Christ, what kind of person comes THAT close to getting his mistress pregnant and permanently altering life as I know it, and then does it again and again?

How depressing the building's dark red bricks were as I walked in yet again.

~

Speaking of condoms, the pregnancy tests were right next to them. Ho ho.

I spent a few minutes analyzing and picked what seemed to be the best test. They all claimed 99% accuracy, even the 99-Cent-Store brand ones, but I picked the brand my poor dear wife uses to see whether she's pregnant. My poor dear heartbroken infertile wife.

On the way to pay there was a new flavor of Pringles. I grabbed a can. Fuck it.

oh baby

please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please don't let her be pregnant please please please please please please please please