comes around goes around

My ex-mexican mistress - mexican ex-mistress, whatever - has been popping up a bit lately.

i don't know how much I've explained, but she now has two babies by two different daddies. When I consider just how many times I've fucked her condomless I feel as though I took a step forward and then a semi drove through right where I had been standing a moment earlier. I came THIS CLOSE...

She calls me here and there when she needs something, but tries to create this dynamic where it's as if I'm stalking her or interested in her, so she can push me away. She'll call from a private number, or when I ask "What are you up to?" or "So where you workin now?" she'll ask "Why?" Even more annoying, she'll tell me a story and mention some guy's name or other. I won't understand whether the guy is her cousin or friend or boyfriend or what, so I ask who that person is and she'll respond "Why? It's none of your business." Fuck you, you started talking about some random guy who showed up! How am I supposed to even understand the story?!

I blow it off, I mean come on. Anyway she called me up outta the blue and suggested we go to "our restaurant." I instantly said "Ok, I'll leave now and it'll take me an hour and fifteen minutes to get there," then hated myself for reacting like that.

When I met her she looked older. More haggard. The one line at each side of her mouth had turned into hard lines. Her meat looked flabbier, less full of rubbery vibrancy. She was wearing velvet black pants and a matching zip-up top; she used to have a nice round bubbly ass; now it looked more like old lady ass. Even her hair seemed stringier. And she seemed harsher.

It had only been... holy crap, two years! Since I'd seen her. Wow. Two years. The last time had been a single similar meet-up. And it had been a year before the previous one, when our relationship had wound down.

Anyway life seemed to have taken a toll on her. I felt sorry for her even though she's bitchy and annoying in some ways. And selfish and inconsiderate.

We went to lunch and talked about life. She barely joked around any more. I missed the old fun times but I wondered just how much of the time they were really fun.

She didn't say "thank you" when I paid.

Driving away in my new car I weighed the experience. I didn't regret coming but I missed my kid. My time with my kid is more valuable than driving over an hour away for THIS rude person - especially to pay to feed her. Fuck that. I coulda spent that time and that little amount of money on my kid and made her happier. When my kid is grown and I miss her and wish she were little again, I may wish I never wasted even that one afternoon on my ex-mistress. Even though it will hurt and she'll be really shitty to me, next time she calls me, I gotta turn her down.

That will be a rare experience for me, turning a girl down. I've rarrrely done it. The funny thing is, when I think back to the few times in my life that I've done it, I see that instantly the girls sense that you're "over it" and they flipflop and act sweet, to lure you back in.

This girl won't be that way but I don't care.