The thing about cheating

I had to see my mistress the other night. I say "had to"; really I felt obligated to. She had wanted to see me the day before, and had called my cell phone, but I was in front of some people involved with my work who I didn't want to know I was cheating. She called when I was supposed to be there, and I was still an hour away. I had to apologize while getting her to not be too pissed at me for rescheduling, and all the while not letting on to the eavesdroppers what I was really saying, as well as giving them the impression I was late to dinner with my wife. It got even more complicated when I called her back from the car once I was done with the work thing, but I won't bore you or myself with that.

The thing about cheating is, if you aren't doing it, don't start.

So, she calls me the other day, and my wife is standing right there. I hold down the volume reduction button as I'm saying hello and imagining the little volume bars shrinking away to a short one the size of an underscore. Fortunately she kept it short and didn't say "I love you." When I hung up my wife immediately asked, "Who was that?" Fuck! Did she hear?

Anyway, I was disappointed that she asked me to do something that evening since for once lately, I was feeling okay about the wife, who was not being particularly bitchy. When I told the wife my lie about where I had to go and what I had to do, she was disappointed and remarked "I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do tonight." It made me sad; I felt bad leaving my nice wife all alone and making her feel lonely. It made me resent my mistress. I didn't want to hurt my wife, and here this other person was "making" me. I wasn't horny at all (I had already taken care of business already that day) and I wasn't feeling like I missed her or would enjoy her company. But there was no way I could have cancelled without maybe fucking things up with the mistress and I need to use her for sex from time to time; and I certainly didn't want to get into any sort of conversation or argument when the wife was standing there. So I was pretty bitter and feeling resentful, like she was the one making my wife feel lonely due to "making me" come out to see her.

When I got there she was distant, and remained that way all through dinner. I thought, "This is my advanced clue that she is going to break up with me." In a way I was relieved, even though I didn't want her to.

But she was just tired, and when she was done eating she wanted to go to a motel.

I had whacked off so much that day and the day prior that I really was not that great at all. I felt pretty bad about it. It was not much fun for me. I added up the $45 for three hours, the $15 in gas to drive out to see her, the $30 for dinner, etc. I felt bad for not spending the money on my wife.

On the way home I noticed I had left my belt on the far side of the bed where I hadn't noticed it before checking out. It was new, and cost me $28.