Happy Christmas to Me

I finally bought myself a 400 gig hard drive. I have been dragging my heels for years, while the prices came down, and drive size and my income went up.

A few hundred dollars is really not a big deal, but I have a lot of guilt associated with money. Like, I go to the cheap hooker motels where I get 3 hours for $35, instead of the nice ones where it's $69 a night.

Anyway, I have been dreaming of this day for... 9-1/2 years! Good god.

I started collecting porn on my first PC in 1995. When I filled it up, I bought some floppies and put pics and small movies onto those. When I had like literally 100+ floppies, I bought an Imation Superdisk drive and some disks. When those filled up, I got a bigger and better PC, none too soon, either. And so on. I went from a small hard drive, to a 2.1 gig, to a 2.2. When I was able to burn CD's, I'd buy packs of 10 and burn those full of porn. When it became inexpensive to buy 50 CD's, I'd buy those. I graduated to a 30 gig hard drive, to an 80 gig, to a 150 gig, to my new 400.

These past 9.5 years I've been dreaming of the day I could copy the content of all those CD's and hard drives onto one hard drive. File all the stuff away in the appropriate folders, eliminating the duplicates in the process.

No more digging out the CD stacks from their out-of-the-way stash, when I want to see something in particular. No more worries about CD's getting scratched, or somebody finding one of the ones that I forgot to set up with its files hidden. No more wondering, "Do I have this already?" while I download.

Really a sense a satisfaction will come from having a singular collection, rather than a scattering of files. Oh I know that itch that collectors feel. I see it even in porn; there are newsgroups for people who collect series (serieses?) of porn shoots, and they want all 20 or 30 pics in that series. Generally as I cull porn from the internet I save only the shots that appeal to me; pretty much the last several of the shoot, sometimes one from the mid-beginning. Most porn shoots are very formulaic: Guy encounters girl, guy undresses girl, girl goes down on guy, guy penetrates girl vaginally in a number of positions, guy penetrates girl anally in a couple positions, guy ejaculates on girl's face/breasts/mouth/tongue.

I really don't need to see the girl in her street clothes and depressing sneakers. Please spare me the shots of them kissing; I know she is not turned on, and probably hates the sleazy guy, and hates herself. And please no Euro porn, where the girls mostly smile through any and every sort of action whatsoever.

I know they hate it; that's why I want to see the action itself, or even a look of discomfort or pain - at least that is genuine.

I feel bad about it. I wish I could save any one of these poor girls. But I know they are so fucked up that they'd rebuff anyone who tried, referring to him as a Captain Saveahoe. Besides, I already have a wife - and some other girls - so it would be a big undertaking to make contact with and woo a porn star. So I feel bad that I can't stop the abuse and suffering these girls are going through.

Anyway the porn is already there. I'm just looking at it, for free. I'm not buying it.

Anyway. Let's begin.