Incredible

I saw the movie The Incredibles recently. I was so moved by it I wept. Maybe it touched me, maybe I was just on the rag, who knows. Anyway, if you haven't seen it, superheroes must give up the work they love after the government bans costumed crusaders due to too many costly lawsuits. Mr. Incredible toils away in a cubicle at an insurance company. It really paints a great picture to see his massive frame crammed into a buttondown shirt and tie, an analogy for his powers being restrained like they are.

The entire time he's working, he has to bite his tongue and tolerate a shit job, a horrible prick of a supervisor, and so on. Even on his drive home he's stuck in bumper to bumper traffic jams in a tiny piece of shit car. At home in his little workroom closet thing off the garage, he looks at the newspaper clippings and pictures of his former glory, and pines for those days.

My eyes welled up with tears and I could totally relate. I'm not held down by the Man, or the system. I'm held down by my addiction. I wake up and I'm horny, so I head downstairs to rub one out real quick. I start surfing and I see so much great stuff I just have to collect it all. A new "series," a scene from a movie chopped up into segments ranging from 15 seconds to 1 minutes or so; three segments to a page. They're meant to get you to sign up for whatever porn site they are advertising. If you figure out the code, you can find ways to grab all the other movie parts so you have the whole scene. I get off, and then I think of something else, like, say that morning I was interested in seeing the way a voluptuous black girl's tits look when she's getting fucked doggy style. Well, maybe after that suddenly I get the urge to get off just one more time, to the thought and imagery of an oral cumshot. I find myself hunting for something beautiful, something that looks so good it kind of hurts. Even when I find it I want to prolong my orgasm so the pleasure is drawn out a little longer. Finally when I'm done, maybe I've wasted two, three hours or more. I meant to just rub one out and jump right in the shower, now I'm an hour late to work.

Everyone I know who is a self-made millionaire tells me, "If you spent half as much time focusing on business as you did doing (insert name of one of my many diversions), you'd make way more money than I ever did. You're brilliant. All I did was just not fuck up, I was good at making decisions." If they only knew about how much time I really spend, looking at porn.

I've missed business deals, important phone calls, deadlines, you name it. I make up an excuse, but really, they have no idea I was trapped, wishing I wasn't going to fuck up, but chained to the locomotive, along for the ride.


It sounds arrogant, the part about what people tell me. But I am not saying I am brilliant. I'm always surprised when people tell me I am, or that I'm a genius, or anything like that. I really am not, so I don't know why everyone thinks so. Most of these people are smarter than I am, they just don't know it.

I suspect the reason they think so, is I see certain things. Opportunities, patterns, similarities, etc. It's not that I'm super clever, it's just that most people are lost. They don't have good radar and they don't listen to that tiiiiny inner voice telling them, "Bullshit!" or "See?" I just happen to be very observant about such things. I'm not smart, I'm like the Rainman. With an addiction to porn. Whatever great things I could accomplish, are crippled by it.

It's a real shame. Wasted potential is such a shame. Not only do I feel like I really could be something so much better, but I feel shameful and guilty for having the gifts to achieve more, when harder working, less privileged people would kill for what I have. I feel so bad about it; I wish I could just throw off the shackles.