Changes

What's interesting is the effect it's had on my sex life. Not just how it ruined it with my wife, but how it opened my horizons - and changed what I saw there. I used to find certain things were unappealing to say the least. Or they just had no erotic value for me whatsoever. I had no interest in a girl sucking on a guy's balls, and a hesitant and morbid curiosity in S&M/BDSM/DS. Now I have refined my likes/dislikes to the point where not only are my tastes broader, but they are also more intricate. Now I have distinct preferences for the way a girl kneels when she blows me, where her hands are, etc. If I'm doing a girl from behind and I am holding her head or hair, only certain ways appeal to me. I don't like missionary, unless I (or the guy in the porn) am standing next to the bed (or whatever furniture she's on). I don't like reverse cowgirl. I don't like piledriver. I love seeing a girl's asshole move as the ridge at the head of a guy's cock slides out. And so on.

Another effect it's had on me is physiologically. I have never had a problem whacking off seven times a day, even just to magazines when I was in my teens, pre-internet. I didn't focus on being turned on or even having a strong erection, just on stimulating myself (this includes mentally, in fact, it is mostly mental) to orgasm. Because I have at least one ejaculation a day (in the shower), and usually a few (before she comes home, when she is upstairs, when she is asleep, etc.), I believe this has worked my reproductive system into a highly developed state. You see, when my wife was having trouble conceiving, we went to the hospital and had my sperm count and motility rate (percentage of active swimmers) checked. I wasn't supposed to ejaculate for 2-3 days prior to the appointment but I wasn't able to make it. I think 24 hours was the best I could muster. When we came back to get our results, the hospital staff were shocked. Normal motility rate is 20-35%. I was at 94%. Normal count is 20-30 million as well. Mine, 510 million.

We started artificial insemination, so I went to the hospital a few times to "collect a specimen," aka whack off in the semi-decorated storage closet. A couple times they reported to my wife what my count and percentage were, and they were always high. I even went once a few hours after whacking off, and my numbers were still phenomenal.

On our last trip to that hospital, I forgot my driver's license. This is a big deal, since they are not allowed to collect your sperm without proof of i.d. Meanwhile my wife had been giving herself one month's worth of painful shots of strong and damaging hormones that really took a toll on her body, and was in another clinic across town, waiting for them to prep my specimen and do their part. All this work for nothing, I was so disappointed and I knew some major shit would hit the fan. I turned to the nurse who was handing me the specimen cup and apologized and said I had wasted everyone's time and money since I forgot my i.d. She smiled and said, "It's ok. We know who you are."
"You do?"
"Oh yes. You're our champion around here."

I was elated. I felt like I was a real man, and was really good at something. I was certainly potent, no-one could argue with that. Virile was a different story, I mean, it's hard to maintain a rock-hard erection after I've been whacking off for what averages out to literally about every 3 hours for the past 20 years.

When she didn't become pregnant even with IUI (intrauterine insemination), it was time for in vitro fertilization, so we went to a really badass fertility specialist. He learned about fertility medicine under the tutelage of the guy who invented test tube babies. He told us that my sperm count and motility rate couldn't possibly be that high, and that it was just lab techs who checked it before, not anyone really skilled. When I went into his "special room," it was a far cry from the storage closet. It was like a cheesy bachelor pad, complete with plastic trees on both sides of the black naugahyde couch. There was a tiny television that seemed like the size of the first Macintosh computers, with a built-in VCR. He had videos out the yin-yang, and it was scary how many of the scenes I recognized. You see, when it comes to internet porn, there are a lot of "samples" out there of clips of mainstream porn movies, ranging from 15 seconds to a minute or two. You can find longer clips but usually you have to find these peer-to-peer, via Kazaa or Filedonkey or bittorrent, etc. Anyway, I got to see Tammi Ann in a terrific anal scene I had wanted to see for 8 years, and a strap-on lesbo scene I had wondered about from Butt Sisters Do Daytona.

At $30,000 a whack (pardon the pun) it was the most expensive porn on the planet.

When the doctor got my results, he told my wife "Don't tell your husband or he'll get a swelled head, but, he has a 95% motility rate and his count was over 500 million!" Niggaplease. I could have told you that.