I'm not really sure what the hell I'm doing. Last month I was walking around in LA taking pictures at night and I found this hair salon open at like 10 PM. This Guatemalan chick had just opened it so to support her I got a haircut from her gay guy. I rapped to him in Spanish and she was curious about it, and she liked me, so when I paid, she gave me her business card and circled her cell phone number before giving it to me, saying I can reach her there during the day when she's at her other job; and I noticed she also had FAT LATIN TITTIES, oh shit. So I was like, Hm, this is interesting, HER cell phone number ends in 8-3-0-9, whereas MY penis will fit nicely between her tits, so that's kind of a huge coincidence!
Then at this vendor of ours, there's this woman, probably 43, who I've been hitting on really hard. When she answers the phone and says their business name and her name, I say, "The lovely and talented __(her name)__ ?" and so on. Speaking of tit week, she has pretty big tits, and thank god doesn't have too bad of a mom ass. She has a real 70's or 80's hairdo though, so that really bugs. I mean it's like embarrassing almost; it's insanely out of style.
I did my usual thing of telling her I'm older than she is, then fighting back and forth with "no, how old are YOU?" until finally giving in and saying "I'm 36!!" like I'm so much older than she. Then the girl invariably says how sweet I am for saying that, and I play it up about not believing they're older. Then like 2 weeks later I subtlely bring it up again as if I completely forgot the whole convo, like I have been operating off the assumption they're younger than me. Each time I usually say something like "God DAMN you're good looking for 43, I mean, I thought you were good looking for 35!" Women just eat it up no matter what; I've never had it fail.
You know the other thing I've never had fail? Pick a day randomly, perk up the moment you see them and say "Hi _____! You look really cute today!"
Anyway after flirting with that chick pretty hard, I came back the next day and she was way more makeup'ed up and so on. Clearly it was for me; I've seen this behavior a hundred times before.
Anyway, we were talking on the phone at one point about exes and kids and so on. She was saying how she finally got rid of her first husband, and laughed when I said "Well, it was your first, so that's your trial marriage. But you're married now?" "Yeah, he's a whole OTHER problem; I'll tell you sometime." So I of course smoothly transitioned into "Haha, yeah, you gotta tell me about it over thai food or something." I say Thai food is like the new sushi. Anyway, she was like "Yeah!" so I took that as a good sign.
So, a week or two later, I had to visit them again, with these two hot skinny big boobed 21 year old models I work with, and I totally ignored them and treated them like morons in front of this woman. All the guys in the place were staring like these girls were making out, but I just blew it off. So when we went to leave, I asked her to thai food, and she said "Sure, we could do lunch sometime or something."
"Well, I work like 2 hours away, so, it would have to be dinner, because I pass right by here on my way home."
"Sure, ok, this week is hectic for til Friday but maybe next week on Wednesday or Thursday."
So, I let those days pass by, and I don't call, and she doesn't call me.
Monday, I call her up and talk about work stuff for a moment, and then I say, "Hey, I apologize if I offended you by asking you to dinner-"
Quickly: "I wasn't offended!" (cheery and not defensive)
"Well, I'm sorry if I was rude, I just normally don't meet many people who are smart AND down to earth-" "aw, that's sweet." "-, AND good looking... so... you can't blame me for wanting to spend an hour with you."
"No, I wasn't offended at all. I'm sorry I've been so flaky, we're just slammed with work for blah blah blah."
"Oh, not at all, that's not flaking on me, I know you're busy."
"So, can I get a rain check?"
So now I wait and see. If she calls, it's on, completely, no two ways about it. But if I call her and she agrees to go out, it might mean I've got her, but it might just mean dinner.
~
Speaking of married-
A friend of mine who's a real street kid; he's 30 and has lived on his own since he was 16. Doesn't know where his mom is, and his dad rarely speaks to him and is kind of a nomad. Has never had a real job that I really knew of; always has hustled and just gotten by.
He is pretty misogynistic and meets fucked up girls on Myspace, fucks them, kind of makes them feel wanted but also treats them like shit in a subtle way.
Anyway, he invited me to a rockabilly-ish show the other night, where his friends were playing. The place was full of greaser-looking guys, and retro kitten type girls, covered in tattoos, I'm talking even neck tattoos, hand tats, etc.
Anyway, I hit on this really cute, thick girl. Her body was ok, and her hair was really well done in some old-fashioned rolls, and she was wearing a really cute dress, but what really set it off was these short shorts she had one, and fishnet stockings; something about the way her body was made just made the shorts seem even shorter. You know the kind where, there's no butt cheek hanging out, but the shorts come right up underneath so they are like a miniskirt on crack (pardon the pun).
Anyway, I had my friend's hot and fucked up date tell her, "My friend thinks you're cute." Then I rolled up on her and asked her who she came here with.
"Nobody."
"Really? Your boyfriend isn't going to see me talking to you and get pissed?"
She got all giggly and embarrassed and said, "I don't have a boyfriend!" like, "you silly goose!"
I asked whether I could take her picture, and got her email address to send it to her.
Then after she left I hit on these two girls who had been staring at me. They were probably like 23 or something; seemed kinda dumb, and cute bodies but boring faces. I got one's myspace and stuff.
Finally after they left, I hit on this pretty fuckin' big girl who had a cute face and was staring at me all night. I asked for her myspace, and she said how she doesn't have one, but turned it around on me and said "So what's your phone number?" opening her purse and getting a pen and paper. Shit! Fuck.
We hung out a while and she touched my hand and rubbed it and stuff. On the one hand I'd totally fuck her face, but on the flip side I was like, "Damn, she's not some slutbag, she's a really sweet girl who is probably lonely."
Now I felt bad that I'll have to duck her or whatever. I mean, I'd like to turn her into just a sex partner but I'd hate to hurt her feelings.
~
I went home and sleuthed that first girl, the thick one. Found her Myspace. 23 years old, and, oh, my: married! Wtf?
No comments:
Post a Comment